Focus Groups

I went to McDonald’s market research last week. It was pretty ace. I got paid $75 and I got to eat up to and including 5 burgers. I ate 2 in their entirety and about ¼ - ½ of the others so let’s just say I had 3 burgers all up. They wanted to find out about why people don’t use the drive through, bun sizes and thoughts on pork vs beef. It was all very interesting.

Seeing as it was a focus group, we all sat around a table and discussed life and burgers. On a side note, with McDonald’s I find people go through life cycles. They really wanna go as a child and they’ll brag about it to their friends at school. When they’re a teen it’s all they can really afford when out with friends and for some reason it’s cool to be seen with degenerate losers at Hungry Jacks Central station for example. Young adults will go to Macca’s after a big night out but they start to deny going there and that it’s unhealthy and then as an adult they’ll deny all knowledge of going there at all. Back on track, this focus group was comprised of adults and one of the questions was “How do you use McDonalds?” Funnily enough, everyone said “Oh, I uh, go there every now and again but I don’t do it all the time” It’s a research group; you’re allowed to admit you go there for real.

I said I get it for the odd cheeseburger and for the end to a drunken night out which is pretty true. Seeing as it was a focus group I did my best to unfocus people and made comments how I’ll return my burger if there isn’t an even distribution of seeds on my bun and the gherkin has to be a particular green or otherwise I’ll flick it onto the ceiling. The guy who ran it was a short bald man with a severe look on his face. He dressed in a blue synthetic shirt and looked a little like Nosferatu but slightly better fed. He also had an enormous arse. It was gigantic. I don’t normally check out other guys junk but it was immense. He should get out more.