iDaft

The only solace from last night was downloading and finding iDaft for the iPhone. Check it out here.



It's like iPhone guitar hero for Daft Punk. Just pressing "over" over and over again is enough to make me grin idiotically for ages. There's another Daft Punk app called "Daft Tap" It has Technologic on it as a bonus feature, however iDaft is the superior of the two as it has the higher second tone.

Going back to the vid, it's the Youtube comments that crack me up once again. There's always haters which is to be expected, but who cares if this is fake or not. If you watch it a bit at a time you'll see that most of the buttons correspond to the noises. Those that don't are mistakes like it says in the vid blurb. Don't be a hater, be a participator. Jerks.

Anyways, if you don't have it already go out and play with it. It's totally ace.

Russell Brand - Ok...

We went to see Russell Brand on Wednesday night. He was ok but not spectaculr. He kinda just coasted through the gig on the back of his own hype and in the end I felt that his 75 minute set was probably about 30 minutes too long.



This is how close we got to him. Impressive. After we took these a little attendant chick ran through the audience telling people not to take photos of him. As if he didn't want us to take photos of him. What are we going to do anyways? Print them out and trade of a blurry image of him in the crowd? Unlikely.

Anyways he finished up with a 10 minute bit about how he likes to do his women at which point all the little star fuckers in the audience took out their pads and wrote down notes on bumming and deepthroating. All in all it was a classy night.

ECRL Massive - Two Weeks On.

ECRL - I've been riding this thing for two weeks and it's mostly good.

It's pretty quick and only takes about 16 minutes and the great thing is that there's almost always a connecting train within 3 minutes of you getting off your train. They run every 15 minutes and the best thing is that it's free for another 88 days. Yippee!



Here's a photo of my first day on board

The downside is that it takes about 2 minutes to get from platforms 5 & 6 to ground or vice versa when you're at Epping and if you catch the lift you feel like you're going to some subterranean hell hole but it's about 1 minute faster.



Plus there is the longest escalator in the world (above) connecting you to the concourse under platforms 1-4 from 5&6 and invariably some jerk will stand in the overtaking lane. Also you have to buy a ticket to cover the end part of the trip. I started buying a weekly from Chatswood to St Leonards cos I couldn't stand listening to some fuckwit ask how much a ticket to Pennant fucking Hills was each fucking morning. How bout you just pay the fucking fare and fuck off? Seriously.

Also Macquarie Uni is the first stop so all these retards will sit down only to get off one stop later. Try standing for 4 minutes you fucking retards and don't rush past me when you realise it's your stop. Fuck man, seriously wake the fuck up. How hard is it to stand in the fucking vestibule area. Get a fucking clue or catch a shitty bus you fucking social fucking leper. They won't even flip the seat the right way so you're left facing one of these fucking retarded cretins while they flap around in their fucked up existence.

Finally, the service stops at 9:30pm which is crap.

All in all the good is good and the bad is caused by fuckwits who don't think not state transit (except for the escalator and the running times bit) so I can't be too angry. Please enjoy some photo's while I sharpen a stick to fuck some Mac Uni students up with. Fucking degenerates the lot of them.



North Ryde - Similar to Macquarie Park Below.

Church Rips Off Non-Parishoner

On Sunday morning one of the three local churches had a frangipani plant sale. The church was the more catholic of the three. Marissa likes frangipani’s and I would’ve bought one for her but I was on my way into the city and if I’d stopped, bought one and then taken it home I would’ve missed my train. Instead I called her and told her about the sales and how much they were. She said she’d wander up shortly.

The following are events as they happened to Marissa. If it is boring, blame her and not me. I will adopt her character for the rest of the story.

"I wandered up at about 9:50am and there were only 3 plants left, two $20 ones and a $10 one. I told the lady I wanted the $10 plant as it had a couple of blossoms on it. The lady said that she’d hold it for me until after the 10am service. I told her that she need not bother as I was going to the 6pm service as I had errands to run this morning. This was a lie. She looked at me strangely but sold me the plant. I walked home with Fran – the plant – and brushed against a low hanging branch. Suddenly a blossom fell off. I was freaking out thinking I’ve already stuffed the plant up, then I looked closer and noticed it was a clipping. The dodgy church bitch had sold me a plant which was not flowering, she’d just wedged a clipping in there. Unable to take it back I put it on a stool outside and watered it."

And there you have it. The moral of the story is don’t trust the church, they’ll stick a branch in your pot and deceive you. Below is a frangipani which is not Fran. I think its name is Phillip.

Lady Chatterley

I’m currently reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence. I don’t know if I like it yet.

The story so far is that Lady Chatterley has married a crip who she doesn’t seem to particularly like. She doesn’t really like too much about her life except for their pink gravel path. She wasn’t a Lady before she married Chatterley and by the sounds of the title she’s not much of a Lady throughout the book either.

Anyways, Lawrence, through his characters discusses a great deal about the role of sex and the difference between the sexes and their drives etc. These thoughts are kind of relevant know even though it was written back in the 20’s.

The latest big thing to happen is that the crip has said that if the Lady wants to boof other dudes she should as it’s the course of a natural life. It shouldn’t matter if she boofs or if she has a child by another man because their lives are intertwined through marriage and the exertions of a few minutes shouldn’t detract from their common history. The lady reflects on this as the crip doesn’t know she’s been boofing one of his writer peers who is described as having a soft boy like body. He’s a bit of a jerk and I think it’s going to set off a reaction within the Lady. She’s also just met the games keeper. Uh-oh…I think I know where this is heading.

Slumdog Millionaire

In order to get out of the heat yesterday we went to see Slumdog Millionaire. All in all it was a good experience. Cinebuzz had a book online and pay $8 for your ticket (which became $9 after booking fee) as well as skipping the longest line in the world bonus thrown in for free. I’d recommend it just to avoid jerks.

We got to our seats and watched on. I think the moral of the story was that Indian people are jerks. It seriously had some of the most despicable characters I’ve ever seen. The worst was the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Host. Not only did he have a fat smug head but he couldn’t actually pronounce Millionaire. Instead of saying Mill-i-on-aire, he’d say Mill-on-aire. Now you may think I’m a bit of a jerk for picking on this guy as I can’t pronounce a word of Hindi but seriously, his job dictates he says Millionaire quite a bit, you’d think he could learn to say it. It’s almost as ridiculous as finding out that Bert Newtown can’t actually count to 20. Ridiculous.

Saints Row 2 - Excellent!

My mate sent me this review last year and it is one of the single greatest things I've ever seen.

I got it for Xmas for myself but because of the festive season and the trip I didn't get a chance to play it till this week.

Let me say that it meets the review and exceeds all expectations. Even making your avatar is awesome. I spent about 45 mins making a stocky asian gentleman that resembled myself and then I got to the make up bit. Suddenly he looked a little bit like Criss Angel but less of a douche and then I found mime face and the 45 mins I'd invested into turning my avatar into me disappeared as I applied a white face and massive red grin. So totally worth it.

The game itself is awesome too. Stuff like tagging rival gangs buildings in shit or picking up grandma's so they can scissor prostiutes in the back of your car make this totally awesome.

I can't stop thinking about bouncing some uni students off the bonnet of my stolen low rider tonight. It will be unwholsomely excellent!

His Dark Materials - Review

I just finished reading His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman, better known as the Golden Compass Trilogy. It wasn't too bad. The first and second books were excellent, the third was a bit of a let down. The characterisation was quite solid all throughout however the third seemed to try to bring everyone back like a rushed clip show. Also, there seemed to be these weird character traits which I didn't recognise while I was reading the book appear suddenly. For example, everyone all of a sudden started going on about how Lyra was such a virtuous and brave child when she was a little shit of a human being.

What was enjoyable was the challenge to religon, authority and the church which really developed towards the end of the first book and manifested in the third. It was some interesting reading on intelligent design and the concept of a higher power. If theology is your thing, it's well hot.

All in all it was enjoyable but I felt my interest waning during the third installment and at times I'd skim read just to get through passages. Invariably any fantasy trilogy will be compared to LotR and His Dark Materials stacks up favourably but ultimately falls short.

Shit Dumplings and Australia.

I went to have Yum Cha with some of my mates on Sunday. We went to Zilver which used to have an all you can eat thing going on but they changed ownership and now it's just shit. Even worse is having to wait 55 minutes to get into a place so you don't enjoy yourself. Nothing they make tastes good and they're incompetent. We were about to leave when they wandered by to give us tea which we then sent back. I'll do a photo tour of better Yum Cha's around town shortly. It'll actually give this blog some substance for once.

After Yum Cha we went to see Australia. It was ok, but not as memorable as my run in with the woman who sat in front of us. During the previews and ads we were talking in hushed tones amongst ourselves when she turned around and gave us one of the most sour looks imaginable. A preview for Bride Wars came on next and I mentioned it would be pretty hot watching Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway wrestle it out when the old bat turned around again. I asked her if she was alright and she said she's trying to watch the movie. Fact was it was still the preview which I pointed out to her so I wasn't too sure what she was turning around for. Perhaps she wanted to join the conversation and was upset she wasn't invited. Perhaps she had her own views on a possible Hathaway v Hudson hotness match? Either way she was a bitch.

The feature started and we were quiet as we wanted to watch it. As I said it wasn't bad, it wasn't good. If you wanted to sum it up in one sentence it's Nic and Hugh find love while David Wenham behaves like a dick. If you do see it, turn it into a drinking game. Every time Hugh Jackman punches someone in the face, or someone dies take a shot. You'll be pissed about 5 minutes in.



In this photo he's pulling back Nicole's head so he can punch her straight in her botoxed throat. Pow!

Guitar Hero - World Tour

I got it on the weekend and it's perhaps the greatest thing mankind has done since inventing cub scouts. We played it solidly for about 6 hours on Saturday and we had the gang over on Sunday and again played it for about 5 hours. I'm a fully sick drummer, animal style now. I can even do the Cadbury Gorilla drum intro from that Calling in the air Cadbury Ad. I'll take some photo's of the kit in action and put them up.

The only downside is that I have to wear glasses to read see the screen properly which doesn't give me stacks of credit in the rock god stakes but, hey at least I'm 91% accurate 91% of the time.

I lie, the other downside is that we'll probably upset the lesbian downstairs if we keep it up. Thing is she's not a hot lesbo, just a plain jane type so I guess it's ok. On a neighbour tangent, our neighbours upstairs thought that our rendition of Living on a Prayer busted a sack of nuts. That's how good we rock in the Ping!

2121 represent!

Comedy Gig - Review

Tuesday's gig has well and truly come and gone. As mentioned earlier it was at the Edge on William St in the city, just opposite the car dealerships and hookers. Peter Meisel was MC and he's an always affable host with a slightly bitter streak. I was on second and followed Richie, a young comic from the UK who has some good lines and an interesting way of saying paedophile and urinal. Those crazy english dudes.

My set was solid and seemed to be appreciated by most people. The comments I got ranged from, good set to well polished to you have a good rapport with the audience. I should have really put more work into my act but I was happy with the 6 minutes I had. Because I'm a tosser I might as well do a pinnacle and a nadir section.

Pinnacle: The successful reading of Bucket Fanny and my new female introduction.
Nadir: Muffing my City Rail joke but still getting a laugh at the end.
Points of note: Prepare next time you nob.

After me was a first timer who had one too many drinks and unfortunately rambled. Justin D Lodge closed out the first section with a great take on the Olympics especially the Butterfly.

After the intermission Tony, a comic from Bankstown was on with a surreal fish finger segment, Bonnie from WA was next then a comic called Anthony Wood who was very sharp. Finally my mate Michael made his return from a 4 month hiatus from stand up and he brought the house down. It was solid and was well received. Hopefully he keeps it up.

The night closed with some improv madness and Mark who runs the room must be happy with the way it's going.

Good times had by all, except perhaps bad times for the hooker who got into the combi van at 10:11pm.