Music and Sports

During team announcements at Origin Diddy's "Come with me" was playing. Apart from being a slightly homoerotic sounding invitation, I find it gets played a lot at sporting events, especially league related ones.

It got me thinking of other songs I enjoy at sports and then it got me thinking of the Madden franchise. Three of my favourite Madden related tunes are below. Please enjoy them.

The first is Quarashi with Mr Jinx.



Apparently they're a now defunct hip hop group but they were big in 02/03 when Marshall Faulk was the Cover Athlete. They also had the mildly successful single "Stick 'Em up"

Next is OK Go with Get Over It.



The proper video disabled embedding. Jerks. OK Go are probably best known for their treadmill film clip for Here it Goes Again. This is from the same Madden as Mr Jinx. Craziness eh?

The final one is The Rapture with Whoo! Alright Yeah Uh-Huh. I think this was on Madden 07 with Shaun Alexander as the cover athlete. You may know House of Jealous Lovers a little bit better. This song made my Good Vibrations Festival last year. Seriously.



Anyways, whenever I hear these songs I think of breaking off a massive kick return for a Touchdown or catching a hail mary pass with seconds left on the clock, something I can't do since my Xbox died...sigh...

Chicks on the Big Screen

On the way to Olympic park for Origin, I decided that I'd get off at Central and change trains. Along the way I stumbled across two female Qld supporters and their male companion. They were confused as to why all the people in Blue and Maroon were getting off the train. I explained to them that it was quicker to go from Central as you go direct to the Stadium as opposed to going out to Lidcombe and then coming back to the stadium. They followed me.

On the train we made small talk and then one of the female Qld supporters started telling us about videos she's been sent recently. She mentioned that it was Youtube and two girls and a cup. I doubted that it was Youtube and said it sounded more like Pootube which they found humorous. She then proceeded to tell us about another clip where this chick was in a spa, naked. She suddenly stands up and bends over as if to fart and then shits the spa which churns brown. She was a classy lady.

I said goodbye as we'd gotten to Olympic park and found my seat. Later on that evening I was watching the big screen when it cut away to 3 familiar faces. It was my train friends. I like to think at that moment when they were displayed on the screen. they were thinking "I hope lovely train guy is watching this"

Fire and Inflatable Chodes

Pre-game entertainment was Grinspoon and they were pretty good. I also happened to see Jamal Idris and he was in a brace.

On field they had fire and inflatable chodes coloured in Blue. Here they are now.



I like fire.

State of Origin

I know it was a week ago but I have a couple of things to say about it. That's the great thing about RWOC, it never leaves you wondering.

That's an obvious lie...

Lowes

I like Lowes because I'm a medium. I see retired footy players and flannelette in my immediate future.

I don't get it

Here's another one of those Next Blog specials.

It's Third.World.Only.Child. It's written in Tagalog I believe. The Michael Jackson post is especially confusing.

Surely there is a Tagalog phrase for "kicked the bucket" and "King of pop"

Even then, I just don't get it.

Street Porn

I've been confronted with an ethical dilemma recently.

Twice in the past week when I've walked along the highway to the Asian Mart I've passed street porn. The first time it was a centrefold with her cooch out lying on the sidewalk. Seeing as it was only a page of porn I decided to walk past. The second time it happened though, someone had stuffed a rolled up magazine though the grill of an abandoned shop as well as leaving a porno on the sidewalk.

My options were to keep walking or pick it up and I chose keep walking. If I stopped to pick it up well how do I explain it to anyone that saw me pick it up?

"Nah it's not for me, I'm just picking it up to dispose of" Yeah right. Alternatively I pick it up and walk up to the bin and throw it out and no one congratulates me for disposing of porn and I'm probably robbing some little 13 year old kid a chance to find it and whack off if I throw it out so I just thought it'd be easier to leave it behind.

I think I've done the right thing...

Bylicar Sausage Grottiness

I bought a Bylicar Sausage from the Asia Mart in St Leonards. For those not in the know a Bylicar Sausage is a thin white sausage that smells horrible and is made out of processed fish slurry.

It was horrendous. I should've known when it was stored on the counter but I didn't listen to my initial reaction.

Here it is bit by bit.



In its wraping. Good times ahead!



Outer wrap is off, let's cut into the gooey centre.



Here it is, white and primed and ready to get into my mouth.

And that's where I stopped taking photos. It was truly the worst thing I've eaten all year. It cost me $1 as well. I could've bought 20 red frogs or 10 pixie sticks or a can of drink from the Asia Mart. Dammit.

Brown Glove AWOL

It's been a while since my last clothing loss update. Maybe it's because it's winter and people are more wary of their clothing. Maybe I haven't noticed as many or maybe I've been lazy.

Anyways, by RWOC records, the last lost clothing update was May 11 and that is truly ages. So without any further adieu, I bring you our latest article.

It is brown glove.



It looks sturdy and leather but what was it doing in the toilets by itself? Its owner would had to have taken it off to wash his hands but how could he just walk out without it? The one warm hand, one cold hand would've given it away I would imagine.

Coaster Cunts

On Friday we started a new game. We started adding the word Cunt to coasters. We were quite lucky that we had Barons Ale as they are very wordy coasters.

Our two favorites are below.


It's quite beautiful in its simplicity. "She says Chardonnay but you buy Cunt" It's open to interpretation. Could it be a bucket of cunt or a hooker? It's a choose your own adventure on the back of a coaster!



Promising to be home for Midnight Cunt again is open to interpretation. You could be getting home for some night time action, or you could be getting him because you need to before that cunt gets home at midnight.

Try it yourself!

Testicle Popping Pile Drive

While I was searching around for fags crying and Saudi dance crews, Youtube advertised this as a featured vid.



What the fuck? What self respecting dude lets his mates hold him upside down while a guy tries to jump through his spread legs? There was no way he was going to make it through there and if this was their big show, how bad would practice have been?

In fact, I believe the trick was designed to crush this kids testicles as some sort of hazing ritual.

Michael Jackson Tribute

Tributes have started everywhere from the US consulate in Moscow through to the house where Michael grew up. It seems people favour leaving massive pink teddy bears for him. Does anyone else the apparent irony in leaving stuffed childrens toys for Michael Jackson?

Anyways, upon trawling through tribute clips and fags crying, I stumbled upon this. It's some Arab Dance crew going through their preparation for America's Best Dance Crew I believe.

The guy on the right is the star. He loves it.

Farewell Michael Jackson plus jokes!

Yesterday Michael Jackson died. It was quite sad and then we started writing jokes about it. The following are some of the better ones.

Michael Jackson was murdered, he was hit by, he was struck by a smooth criminal. - Damian Smith

Michael Jackson had an audacious plan to assassinate the Jackson 5. He went wrong when he started with the man in the mirror. - Damian Smith

As big as the news about Michael Jacksons death is, there has been no coverage in Russia because he's a stranger in Moscow. - Damian Smith

Michael Jackson dead. Coroners blame it on the boogie. - Mikey Mileos

In thousands of years aliens will find Michael Jackson and mistake him as the missing link in the evolution from humans to mannequins. - Mikey Mileos

Join the petition against the burial of Michael Jacksons body. Think of the Earth - he's not bio degradable. - Drew Bowie

Farewell Michael Jackson - Macauley Culkin can finally Rest in peace. - Ray Cashman

Tupperware has released a Michael Jackson tribute line. Made of white plastic, it lasts for 50 years but is prone to meltdowns and is not kid safe. - Ray Cashman

If you have any more, send em on over!

Travel Europe

I was sent an email today asking if I wanted to enter a competition to win a months train travel around Europe. Sounds good but how the fuck do I get to Europe?

For those closer to Europe, enter here and play some shitty train game that takes far too long to load. Lucky it's not a trip to Washington on the trains. That would suck right now.

Spam & Fry Casserole

Those innovative people over at Recipe Source have proveided the recipe for a French Fry Spam Casserole.

Be still my salivating tongue and get the fuck in my belly.

Here it is for those too lazy to follow links.

Title: FRENCH FRY SPAM CASSEROLE
Categories: Main dish
Yield: 8 servings

1 pk Frozen french fry potatoes,
-thawed (20 oz)
2 c Shredded Cheddar cheese
2 c Sour cream
1 cn Condensed cream of chicken
-soup (10 3/4 oz)
1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cubed
-(12 oz)
1/2 c Chopped red bell pepper
1/2 c Chopped green onion
1/2 c Finely crushed corn flakes

Heat oven to 350'F. In large bowl, combine potatoes, cheese, sour
cream, and soup. Stir in SPAM, bell pepper, and green onion. Spoon
into 13x9″ baking dish. Sprinkle with crushed flakes. Bake 30-40
minutes or until thoroughly heated.


I betcha it looks like spew. If anyone cooks this and survives, please let me know.

500!

I set myself the lofty target of hitting 500 blogposts in May. That never happened until now!

What a journey we've been on. We've dealt with train freaks, coffee shapes, signs in foyers, telegraph poles and other places and crap television. It's probably far too early but I think we should look at a "Best of RWOC" It'd be kind of like Miley Cyrus' autobiography "Miles to Go" because everyone wants to hear about a 16 year old who's doing a 20 year old and has a redundant music icon as a father.

Tell me what you reckon make up the top posts of all RWOC time and I'll more than likely do nothing about it.

Oh yeah!

Improv over.

Last night was the last night of Improv. It was a bit sad and poignant as goodbyes are hard even if you're dealing with borderline autistics. That's a bit harsh, all in all it was a pretty good experience, however the attrition rate over the course was terrible. We started with 24 and it became 8 by the end. The final 8 were a pretty talented bunch and hopefully we'll get in touch and do some improv pick up groups in the coming months.

Improv 2 starts in term 4 so I'll sign up for that and go for gold. If you're interested it's run by Sydney Community College. I'll find the link for it tomorrow.

Hot Calvin!

I'm not sure what this is an ad for. There seems to be a lot going on. It's obviously tailored to an asian or chinese speaking market but I find it hard to believe that there aren't any asian words for Hot, Calvin, Townhouse or City Rail Station. I also find it hard to believe that the words "Hot Calvin" haven't been used earlier to advertise townhouses to be honest.

It's the little things that make you appreciate the effort that's been put in. Things like the mobile number in different sizes. If you can't get them at Hot and Calvin, you're sure to get them at the malformed sizing of your phone number.

Anyways, if you are in the market for some Hot Calvin hit up Martin on MSN.

Spellbound

It's a spelling bee doco made in 1999 which was pretty good at the time. I have it on DVD. It's on SBS right now and it's still a good story. Part of me wants to google the kids because they're 10 years older now and they'd be a least 21 or so. Let's be honest, I'd only be checking on the chicks. Nerds are hot.

Some of the teachers are pretty hot too. Nupur's teacher Mrs Whitehurst is a little minx. Her little denim mini and her demure leg crossing is saucy.

Ok I'm back. I recommend you facebook April DeGideo.

Bike Pants

I'm going to start carrying the front wheel of a bike with me wherever I go so I have a legitimate reason to wear bike pants.

Coffee Wang

I got this froth image on my coffee last week.



Ha. It's a froth wang. It was just as delicious as it looks. It can never beat coffee b00bs though. They were a masterpiece.

Pink Pavement Chair

Council cleanups mean a lot to Australia. Take this Pink Chair for example.



No seriously, take it. It's on the sidewalk, it's yours. It will go perfectly with all your other pink pillowy furniture. Pink and pillowy should never be seen in the same sentence. There's something a bit too graphic about those words in unison.

Ferris Wheel

Since when has there been a Ferris Wheel at Darling Harbour? Is it still there?

I don't think it's very big, but who am I to judge?

Has anyone been on it?

Hit me back just to chat, you biggest fan this is stan.

Straight Lines

How's this for a freehand straight line?



I rule.

Oh Cashman, you are too funny sometimes.

Morag the Mauve

In LotR, Saruman the White was the leader of the Wizard Council along with Gandalf the Grey and some other Wizards with alliteration and colours. One of the lesser known Wizards or Witches in this case was Morag the Mauve. Here she is crossing the road.



Her Ent was in for repairs but she still has her cane. Watch out for Morag as she specialises in binding spells and derives her power from sarcatic bitchy comments written from the safety of an office.

Splooge in the Microwave

One of the kids at work left this in the microwave last week.



No one really knows quite what it is, but we collected it up and fed it to one of the Methadone junkies who hang out in the forum with it.

Just jokes, we gave it to the bloke that sells the Big Issue. Now there's a worthy cause.

Wedding Countdown

I'm getting married in less than two months. That's pretty intense. It's been pretty good in terms of lead up and all that so far. We've pretty much sorted everything out except for flowers which kinda makes me anxious but that's another hoot-worthy story.

Today we met with our planner guy Paul and discussed our menu, colours and run sheet. Anyways, food was probably the most important item. A definite lock on the menu was the Creme Brulee. It was immense!



Here it is in picture glory. It is a magical toffee explosion in your mouth. Anyways I'll probably do more updates as I see fit over the next couple of week. Stuff like documenting the highly successful trips to regional hubs like Erskineville to look at suits. Kelly Country has a lot to answer for, especially for employing some jerk who looked like a slimmer version of the guy that says "Yeeeeeees" from the Simpsons. Fuck I hate that guy and his beady eyes. Fuck him and Kelly Country.

Ok.

Vivid

It's a bit late but here's a quick Vivid photo gallery.

It was produced by Brian Eno of U2 managerial fame and went for about 2 weeks. It had lights and stuff and was quite visually stimulating. Here's some of the stuff we saw.



First up was a merchandise tent. Hooray, let's buy merchandise for a free installation. Well sign me up and call me Mr Vivid! I'm going to be the envy of my friends with my Vivid t-shirt. I'll surely be the talk of the office with my Vivid Mug. I'll stare at the majesty of my Vivid program and then finally weep into the stifled loneliness of my cheap souvenirs.



This is just the flags at Circular Quay. They looked kinda cool.



Here's the cube installation just outside Circular Quay Station. The curious/whimsical of us out there would view these as block lights of joy designed to tap into our imaginations. They are not meant to interact with their surroundings but in fact they are meant to force us to interact with them.

The cynical amongst us would argue that we are that starved of culture that we fawn over the mundane. Light draped in coloured perspex counts as art? Hardly. Are we that desperate for artistic nutrition that we would pose awkwardly amongst the cubes of light and revel in the ambient noise of the ignorant?



Yes. It would seem that we would.



Peek-A-Boo! When you drop your pretences it's kinda fun.



And now you're looking a little creepy.



But it's ok, we <3 light.



Until this. This is just a jumble of neon. I demand blood.



And I got it. It looks like someone had their monthly on the Opera House. Very nice.

Realy it was quite a good idea. It got people out and about and talking about free/street art which is a good generator for art and creativity. My one criticism is that the light blocks had the most curious odour. They smelt like a salty body smell; a bit like soy sauce mixed with sweaty feet. It was hideous. I'd definitely deodourise for next time or just use some Dr Scholl. That shiz was hella nasty.

These are the people in your neighbourhood...

In the city last weekend we saw a couple of interesting characters. Due to the onset of H1N1 or Swine flu, people have been keen to check themselves before they wreck themselves. Asians are particularly suspicious of flu's and have been there done that with avian flu so I shouldn't have been surprised when I saw luggage chick.



I was with Aaron who was worried she'd get angry. Yeah and do what? She's worried about a flu that some Americans have died from and is a perceived risk. It says to me, she's not prepared to risk a run in with a chubby asian guy snapping her and she surely would not drop her suitcases and chase me down the road.

We got down to Circular Quay and saw this guy next.



Wow. Times are tough for Spiderman. He's lost Mary Jane and his job at the paper and now he's tying balloon animals for a living. From the photo though, you could assume he loves it hence his upward pointing thumb and heart shaped balloon but his broken eyes and flacid lycra tell a different story. He is a sad and broken man who would get rocked by Doc Ock if the Doc were still alive.

They're not really people in your neighbourhood because one's a tourist and the other is a homeless superhero, but you get me dontcha?

Road in morning light

If anyone has been following the state of play on Oxford St, you will be pleased to know that it's pretty much done.



Here it is in a different aspect, capturing the light from the morning sun. Quite lovely wouldn't you agree? Those council workers sure did a bang up job on sealing and tarring this baby.

Sneezes

I was watching Kendra Wilkinson's new show about being an independent trashbag and I started sneezing violently.

Maybe I'm allergic to bimbo's, maybe not. Anyways, after I stopped there was this weird, organic sweet smell for about 2 seconds and then it disappeared. It was a bit crazy. Upon going to teh Google, I found out it could be sinusitis.

Maybe I should just see a doctor...

So...

There's a lot of catching up to do. How do I knoe there's a lot of catching up to do?

Jamie over at alphabet soup vomit who values quality over quantity has updated 4 times since my last update. Better get cracking.

This will be large.

Emo Midget

In a night of TV watching and green chicken curry we also watched Celebrity Apprentice. They had to make some viral ad for some shitty detergent. Melissa Rivers who looks like Steven Tyler crossed with the lead singer of the Gorillaz (not Damon Albarn) was project manager for her teams clip and they got in an emo midget. It was ace! I couldn't actually find any photo's of him so I found one of those fake motivational posters instead.



Upon reading a little more about it, there's a LPA or Litttle People of America association. How cute! They started their own little league!

Read more here I guess.

As for Celebrity Apprentice, Joan Rivers wins. Hooray.

Naked and Funny

It's on now and it's a great excuse to get hot Eastern bloc women and in wacky situations. The current skit has a white goods sales man selling fridges to unsuspecting peasants with mono brows. When they open up the fridge there's a naked chick inside.

Hilarious!

There's three types of people who appear on this show, there's the younger guy with a mono brow, bad teeth and goofy smile who clutches his head when he sees boobies, there's the larger slower guy who stops and takes a second look, then grins a bit cos he's cracked a fat and then there's the local sea hag who slaps everyone with her hand bag and gets in a fuss.

I'd love for some of this action to go down in the Ping. I'd be the larger slower guy I reckon.

Sex and the City

I've been watching the odd episode recently. The old slutty one Samantha has a booby lump which is cancer. Big is in the series every now and again. I would have to pay attention to what's happening to comment on Carrie and Big's interactions but he really seems to be a bit of a cunt doesn't he?

What else happens?

Cold

It's so cold I went searching for a jumper and found my old school jersey. It still fits but I think it made my eyes itchy. It's warm but a lot scratchier than I remember it.

I'm also wearing some track pants. They're black and warm as well. The main point is that I'm not cold anymore.

Total Eclipse - Literal Version

One of the funniest things ever. Just watch it.

When you're done with that watch Take On Me - literal version.

Lola gets nudified

In great news for ANTM followers, Lola Van Vorst apparently nuded up last year. Read more here.

She has an angular face which some would call strong, but she's one of the more feminine body shape-looking models on the show so bring on the titty shots I say.

She actually reminds me a bit of Penny from SYTYCD who also had an angular face and also got her gear off but this was for an actual lads mag. Let's compare.



Penny



Lola

Yeah, I think it's a good call.

In other interesting news, the shots were taken by an ex-boyfriend. She's now a lesbian. That means that he turned her. I imagine him to be some sort of lame superhero called Lesbo Man. He runs around yelling "I have the power to turn attractive women into lesbians with just one touch from my groin"

Anyways, the Lol photo's are going to be in Famous next week. Go tabloid publications!

Head Trauma

Freddo was delivered to my desk in a bad way last week.

As you can see, there is a major lesion and cranial seepage from the left side of his face. He was admitted to my stomach for further tests but didn't recover from the initial injury and was pronounced as poop about 12 hours later.

#fuckfred

I just wasted about 20 minutes trying to make sense of a he-said/she said argument on Twitter. Apparently Trent Reznor is trying to get a new heart for some kid and some guy called Fred who sounds like a doucelist has claimed it's a publicity stunt. I can't even believe I've wasted time writing about it.

Read more here.

Goalposts installed on the Street

As part of the upgrades to Oxford St, council workers installed a set of Goalposts.



They've deemed them far to dangerous to passer-bys and have cordoned off the area.

More to come shortly.

Badly Dressed Hooker Holds Hands

This was in Epping over the weekend. Not much to say here except she looks a little like a badly dressed Chun Li from Street Fighter but less likely to kick your arse.

She's also dressed badly.

Share Mate Wanted - Preferably with Dangles.

There's a lot wrong with this ad, the most obvious being they didn't make any cuts for people to pull the tabs off.

There's also the typos, syntax, the unusual "Twin beds to a room 1 person needed" line and the laughable "First u can come Central Station and then Ucome Elizabethstreet 480"

Wha?

Who wrote this ad? What do they want from the public? From the rice and seasonings included, I'm assuming it's some sort of grain farmer who enjoys flavoured rice.

Finally, they want a male share mate. That probably means that it's already guys there which means it's going to be an illiterate sausage fest. I can just imagine how they'd pass their time there, flavouring rice, using ADSL2, sleeping in twin beds and writing hideous signs.

If you are on the lookout, call them on 0413 621 532. It's bound to be a hoot.

Medical Suite is Stunning

I've checked it out. The sign lies. Vacant and roomy are more accurate adjectives. Stunning should only be applied to tasers.

Peter's card get lost

Peter's card got lost on the train the other day and I found it.



It reads:

Best Wi(shes)
Peter
for the (birthday)
Love
A. Jei

It's succinct and to the point. They wish Peter best wishes for the birthday. Obviously Peter didn't give a shit because he left it on the train.

I'm going to put it next to Ruth in my wallet but to do so I'd need a bigger wallet

iDaft

The only solace from last night was downloading and finding iDaft for the iPhone. Check it out here.



It's like iPhone guitar hero for Daft Punk. Just pressing "over" over and over again is enough to make me grin idiotically for ages. There's another Daft Punk app called "Daft Tap" It has Technologic on it as a bonus feature, however iDaft is the superior of the two as it has the higher second tone.

Going back to the vid, it's the Youtube comments that crack me up once again. There's always haters which is to be expected, but who cares if this is fake or not. If you watch it a bit at a time you'll see that most of the buttons correspond to the noises. Those that don't are mistakes like it says in the vid blurb. Don't be a hater, be a participator. Jerks.

Anyways, if you don't have it already go out and play with it. It's totally ace.

Cat Stevens Drinks

I read that Cat Stevens was quite a drinker back in the day. He would mix a variation of a Gin and Tonic that was so strong it would make you pass out. He called it the "Catatonic"

Hilarious.

Till then, check out how hot he was.



He is smoldering.

State of Origin

I tweeted most of it but it was shit. Technology has deprived us of all the fun things in life and I blame tweeting mainly for it. Sure I could've put down my phone but I didn't. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to go to Origin 2. Probably not as it's far more comfortable to sit and tweet about it.

If you want a score NSW loast 24-18. Blows goats.

Comedy Course

Tonight was the graduation night for the comedy course I co hosted with Billy. We had four kids get up and do their thing which was ace. They ranged in nerves from packing it to quite calm and collected. I remember my first gig, I had to calm myself several times and it was one of the most nerve wracking things I've ever done. To get in front of 25 odd people and do a 5 minute set is well commendable so massive shout outs to Oscar, Leon, Adam and Kristin.

You made us proud and you were a credit to your friends and family. If you read this, please ensure you never do any midget jokes ever.

In other comedy course related news, the comedy course production I co-starred in has been picked up by the SBS so I may be a comedic TV star. W00t W00t. I'll have to find out more from my teacher and mate Rob.

In the last snippet of course news, the improv course is going well. We had to use extreme physicality and emotions in Monday's lesson and it was well intense. Stomping around the classroom and making out with the furniture was a personal highlight.

Defiant Dog

Just found the best site ever via Melina's Blog (I don't even know what to call it anymore so I went for Melina's blog.)

It's defiant dog and boy is he defiant, yes he is, he is so totally defiant.