Updates

So you probably noticed nothing's been happening recently.

Sorry about that. I'm in Fiji doing not much. Wedding went well. I'm off to get another cocktail; Pool Boy!

See y'all back here around August 25.

US Holiday Snaps

It's the trip that keeps giving.

Here's Jeff, me, Ris and Matt jumping on the Skybridge run by the Hualapai Tribe at the Grand Canyon. The SkyBridge is perspex and can withstand a Richter 8 Earthquake, or 100 knot winds or the weight of seven fully loaded Boeing 747's. It was sexy as.

Here's a posed photo that we took on the Simpsons Ride at Universal Studios. We were full gangsta aight?

Back from the Deep South

Did you miss me?

A lot happened and then again a lot didn't happen. For example, I landed and met the parents and as we were walking to the car park some one kicked in the side paneling of a taxi and then ran inside the terminal. Bizarre. It was good seeing the parentals to an extent but they don't shut up and it gets tiring. They do this crazy double team thing on you where one will talk non-stop for 45 mins and then they'll sub out and the other one will then talk to you for 45 mins. I felt like poop on Saturday purely because they'd worn me out with their non stop talking.

Anyways, it was nice. Highlights were fishing on Good Friday using dried out, fat congealed mackerel as bait. These things were that dessicated and oily they'd fall apart as soon as you put the hook in them. It was like trying to fish with a dried out anchovy fillet. We gave up after about 3 or 4 casts.

Low points were feeling like crap for most of Saturday.

Thanks Mum and Dad!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I'm off to Tasmania today. I'm blogging when I should be packing not that you care.

I'm flying Virgin Blue who were a stack cheaper that Jet Star aka Death Star and they have a handy reminder service these days, let me explain.

I was sitting around at work yesterday when I saw an email pop up. Intrigued I opened it. It was from Virgin Blue. It was a reminder that my flight left in 24 hours and should I desire, I could check in online and sort my shiz out right then and there. Ace! I did and moved myself up to seat 8C. Seeing as I'm travelling solo and have carry on baggage only, I thought I might take an aisle seat to allow for speedy departure and quick access. Also I read if you sit at the back of the plane, you breathe in the stale farts of everyone in front of you and the contents of someones bowels in my lungs is something I could do without.

Alright!

Easter Gif

I got this on the bottom of an email today.



It looks like a bunny eating a turd. Inappropriate.

Happy Easter!

Greyhound to Vegas - Uneventful

You may recall me mentioning my greyhound trip here.

It was crap. No-one tried to decapitate anyone on the bus. The station was clean. All the passengers were quiet and kept to themselves. There were no addicts. Our baggage guy didn't say ass or nasty ho even once. The closest we got to drama was when this mullet dude had his trashy girlfriend with weird pancake flat breasts push their luggage into the info line. That is not a euphemism although you can use it as one if you wish. I didn't take a photo of them because I was afraid I might get shanked.

Anyways, the highlight/lowlight was stopping off at Barstow, a place on the outskirts of California that is pretty much an afterthought. Here's the foodcourt.



This was their water tower.



I think it was full of disappointment and human misery...

Barstow is a place that no one who dreams should ever live in. If Nightmare on Elm Street was set in Barstow Freddy would have been welcomed as a way to get out of the monotonony that was life there. Barstow. Bad.

Happy Australia Day!

It was yesterday and all.

Here's a photo of a flag in a pool cos Australia day is all about submerged flags.

We spent the day at Coogee eating seafood and drinking Mexican beer. It was cheap. In these times of economic crisis we have to think about our wallets before patriotism.

At least we weren't at the cricket, although we would have had to go to Adelaide to have done so. I mentioned the cricket because you wear thongs at the cricket which are comfy, but they're not so comfy when the urinal is full and some one is pissing on your feet because they're too drunk to aim properly, yet you can't check to see who it is, as to look down would be totally homo. That's why I was thankful I wasn't at the cricket.

Happy Chinese New Year!

That's what Happy Dragon said just before he landed on the yellow jumpsuit clan.



He's going to fuck them up Eragon style. Actually Eragon couldn't fuck anyone up because he has no penis.

Forever Hollywood.

You may remember me talking about Carl Alfalfa Switzer in a post over here.

I visited his grave. How bizarre. This cemetary is the biggest craziest cemetary I've ever been to and here lies a guy who shot himself in the dick with just a plaque to remember him by. Life is cruel.



Even crueler are the jerks who visited Mel Blanc's grave.



Not so bad at face value. Then you look at the top:



When did his tombstone become a dumping ground for the shit you have in your pocket? What is Mel Blanc's tombstone going to do with brass wire, a chewy granola bar, a metal circle and some rocks you picked up from the garden you fuckwit? Jerks.. At least he has enough change to buy a red frog. Fukn cheapskate litter bugs... Oh it's the thought that counts. Yeah, stopping to shake down a homeless guy for his change and rubbish is real thoughtful. Putting it on the tombstone of someone you respect makes you a top class philanthropist.

Signal

For a 3 - way.

Stop for a 4 - way.

Scientologists

Are everywhere...





I guess it is Hollywood but still. Far out...



L Ron Hubbards Winter Wonderland? Seriously...

Hollywood!

Looks like we got here in one piece. The flight was rather uneventful except for the old Asians in front of us. They were the kind of people who had to flop their chairs all the way back because they could. I reacted passive aggressively of course by elbowing and kneeing the old woman's seat in front of me as much as possible. Nothing happened either way.

Anyways, on account of us going to the States, we get to live through January 6 all over again. My first January 6 was rather crap. I spent what seems like a lot of it searching for stuff that I should've packed ages ago like suit bags and camera chargers. I also ate a Sausage n Egg McMuffin which has made me feel a bit funny all day. Now I get to do fun stuff like go through customs, taking photographs of large donuts like the one below:


Or eating large plates of nachos:


Or taking photos of people in white shirts taking photos of other people:


It's like a choose your own adventure; the possibilities are endless and it's my January 6. Woohoo!

Stuff

I'm back for a bit. Hope all went well for you and stuff.

I'm now off to LA and Vegas for two weeks to catch the Greyhound that I mentioned over here. This is all I intend to do whilst in the States.

I'll provide updated on our wacky adventures. It should be damp.

Till then please enjoy Calvin Harris' when I go to Vegas.

Happy New Year!

Well I'm off to make myself pretty for tonight. We're doing an all night kegger at our mates place in the city so it should be well moist. I was meant to have a comedy gig tonight but it got cancelled due to lack of interest. I will have to try harder next year.

Hope y'all have a good on and that 2009 brings you all the charm your world can handle.

Oh Yeah!

Here's a firework that's celebrating against a background of blue.



What would an unemployed firework be called I wonder? A fired?

Xmas and stuff

It wasn't too bad. We had the fam over and then spent Xmas at the fam's place and on Boxing day I had some mates over and we drank one of those Heineken kegs. Hotness.

On Xmas day I cooked my Pork Belly and it was pretty decent for a first up attempt. It's all about a slow release of heat and getting all the fat basting the meat I found. We had some crackling left in the morning and so I put it in the microwave and it popped like popcorn. It was so freakin awesome and tasty too. Here's a picture of me preparing my pork belly. The scoring was done with a Stanley knife. Hardcore.



Present wise I got some stuff and I got a kick ass RC Helicopter. I'm not too good at flying it yet but just you wait, I'll be a pilot soon. The instructions suggest you should get a qualified pilot to help you fly it for the first time. Well see thing is, I reckon most qualified pilots will be doing stuff like flying planes to worry about my shitty RC copter and on top of that I only know 2 pilots and one of them is a moron and the other one, well I don't really know him that well at all so perhaps I kinda lied when I said I know two. My story is falling apart...gotta go...

I'll leave you with Ris and Ryan watching the sun set on this Xmas period. Ahhh...

Greyhound to Vegas!

I'm going to the States next month/year both are correct. It should be pretty moist. We booked some Kings v Ducks tickets for our stay in LA upon realising we should've looked into Lakers tickets instead. Oops.

We also booked some Greyhound tickets to Vegas. The trip will take 6 hours and I'm kinda scared kinda excited. After reading the reviews of San Diego bus shelter I'm thankful we're not going there. Good bits include -

"The guy at the bus station counter definitely said "ass" and "crazy ho" more than once during our five minute conversation while getting our luggage tags."

"my new bus partner was some euro kid that had his shoes secured by ripped plastic shopping bags"

Sweet! Until then let's calm ourselves by looking at pictures of busted greyhounds







Sorry I couldn't resist doing that last one.