Snatches of Epping

Are despicable.

(thanks Andy)

Died what it loved doing

A pretty sad story from the skies over here.

It pretty much says it all here.

A breast-feeding mother accidentally smothered her four-week old child aboard a United Airlines flight from Washington, DC, to Kuwait, a British tabloid reported.

A British Tabloid eh? Apparently a photo of the killer tits were on page 3. The baby joined the ranks of Sonny Bono, Peter Brock and Steve irwin as they all died doing what they loved. In the babies case it was sucking down some titty liquid.

My question is this: Obviously the mother bought a ticket for herself and her baby. Does she now get her baby ticket refunded now the kid is dead?

Toe Nibblers

Pretty grotty story at SMH.

Accused of letting rats chew girl's toes off

Three people have been accused of letting rats bite a six-week-old girl and chew off her toes at their cluttered Ohio caravan home.

How does that even happen? I'll tell you what, there won't be too much this little piggy going on in that household.

What's under here?

It's the question every curious Sydney Pedestrian has wondered about our trams. Today a brave 50 year old asian man had a look himself. Read more here.

That photo is an absolute winner.



It reminds me of a joke.

Q: Which one is the odd one out? A crab, a lobster, a snapper or an Asian under a bus?

A: The Snapper, the rest are all Crustaceans.

Best. Tram. Joke. Ev0r.

Brooke Greenberg and Ebay

Candice sent me this story today.

It's about little Brooke Greenberg and her inability to grow. Here's a photo.



Isn't she adorable? In this photo she's with her 13 year old sister. The family is getting doctors to check Brooke out but I'm not too sure why. If they unlock the secrets to her lack of aging does that mean that they can go ahead and reverse her current state? That's a lot of fuct up growing she has to do which she probably could do without.

My thoughts are that all these doctors would cost money and, unless her family are sick or Brooke is a mad slut, she's still a virgin. Why not cash in and sell her virginity online? She's legal, and sure it'll be classed as prostitution for tax purposes but it's a real money spinner. There's got to be some sick fuck out there who wants to do a baby and this will be an actualisation of their fantasies. Better yet, after it's done, you could arrest them for being a sick fuck and get them off the streets. Everyone's a winner!

The real winner though is brave little Brooke Greenberg. Her eyebrows and impish grin give me hope every day.

Urine to Water

Kinda like a golden shower version of Jesus I guess, NASA has turned Urine into Water.

Read more here.

Apparently they boil it down, seperate the briney bit and then filter it till it's drinkable. It takes about 6 hrs to produce 22 litres of water.

I guess the only way to get around drinking urine is to have a healthy sense of humour and those astronauts sure are a pack of jokers.

"We are happy to have this water work through the system - we're happy to have it work through our systems."

Apparently they celebrated with a pot of peas and some bags of Wizz Fizz.

Station Brawl

SMH reports that last night there was a 180 teen station brawl in the Mt Druit/Penrith area.

I think they’re exaggerating just a little bit. 180 youths and only two were hospitalised? What sort of brawl was this? Sounds like some sort of westie fight club where they didn’t actually fight.

The first rule of westie brawl club is no punching. The second rule of westie brawl club is no punching. 180 teens to a fight. The fight stops when the cops get there or when 2 or more teens suffer minor injuries.

Seriously, toughen up youth of Sydney’s West. If you’re going to involve the police at least make it worth their while and glass someone like Greg Bird would.

Shake it like a Polaroid Picture...of a baby.

Some iPhone related news here at SMH.com

Some developer has made a game where you shake your crying baby to death by using the iPhone's shake function and acceleromator. Winner! Here's a screen grab.



The red X's mean the baby has died. Morbidly fascinating I know.

I’m pretty appalled to be honest. Why did the developers stop there? Why not make a coathanger game where you have to scrape out the fetus. That way there’s a 0% chance of the baby crying but a 50% chance it’ll clog up your bath tub and a 75% chance your girlfriend will be infertile.

Kid cycles from Brisbane

Some kid called Ethan Johnson with Aspergers (pronounced Ass Burgers) cycled from Brisbane to Merrylands in NSW. Sick!

When he got there his BMX wasn't hotted up enough and his sound system didn't have enough bass so he had to do a mad skid and turn around again, that's where authorities caught him.

Read more here from SMH.

I don't know about you but cycling from one state to another has shades of Forrest Gump to it (unless you're in Albury/Wodonga) True, he has Aspergers but he did the ride to prove to bullies that he's "no idiot" If I was still in school and a bully I'm sure as shit that I'd have a field day with this. If you want people to stop bullying you get some mad spokey dokes, do sick skids and pop ollies on the gutter. You then double hot chicks on your handle bar and get mad air off phat ramps but you don't ever ride 900 kms and then sleep in truckers stops where the inference of sodomy and Man-Boy love is easily applied.

All he's achieved is status as the poor man's "Boy Who Could Fly" who I reckon had some form of Aspergers as well, however, he could fly and didn't need his mom to put money into his savings account. Here's the final scenes.



What a massive gayist.

Jamie Foxx is Class

Apparently Jamie Foxx has been heard making inappropriate comments about Miley Cyrus on Radio. He said somthing along the lines of "make a sex tape and grow up" He then goes on to say "She needs a gum transplant" I don't watch much porn, yes I do, but the point is if she's to make a successful sex tape, she probably needs more gum than teeth to please her man.

Also, in suggesting that she grows up and makes a sex tape, I'm glad to see that he hasn't followed the ways of R.Kelly and Mystikal who would be of the opinion that Miley at 16 is about 3 years too old to appear in a sex tape.

via SMH

D'Arcy Quits

From SMH.com

Not too surprising I guess especially after he collapsed a team mates face with a king hit. I've only mentioned swimming once before and that was a Stephanie Rice post so you may find his mention odd and you'd be right.

The only reason I mention him is because I was sorting through a backlog of poems for our Art Gallery Drop yesterday and found the following poem entitled Punch On!

Enjoy.

Punch On

Punch, punch, punch your face
Punching’s so much fun
But if Nick D’Arcy’s drunk in town
Then you had better run

Little Nick he qualified
He went out for a drink
Little did he know that he’d
End up in the clink

Settled in with his mates
For cocktails at the Loft
And punched poor Simon Cowley
And broke his palette soft

Now Nick D’Arcy’s facing Jail
Maybe 10 or so years
Such a hefty price to pay
For one too many beers

It’s not the first time he’s punched on
He’s punched an Iron man
He punched and punched into his face
Now it’s dented like a can

So what’s the future hold for Nick
It’s something worth a think
The only punching Nick will get
Is from Inmates up his stink

Punch, punch, punch your face
Punching’s so much fun
But if Nick D’Arcy’s drunk in town
Then you had better run

Astronauts in shit fight.

Space station astronauts fight over the astro-loos over here at SMH.com.au

Apparently the Americans aren't letting the Russians into their toilets after having been billed by the Russians for sending US soldiers into space. The Americans aren't impressed as they don't take shit from no one.

Massive prick

Best. Son. Ever.

Over here at BBC.

Headline Humour

Someone at SMH is either quite funny or just unintentionally so.

Dykes sounded out as partner for Benji.

Hopefully they're on bikes.

Pauline Hanson Nude!

I never thought this day would come. Pauline is nude! You can buy your fish and chips from her store, get her to wrap her fried treats in news print of her naked treats and then have "personal time" with the newspaper afterwards. I am not searching for these photo's but I will link to the Telegraph here.

There. Now I think I've typed just enough so if someone searches for it and finds my blog they won't realise that my real intention is to keep tabs on the sick fucks that are trying to google this shit. She's a red head! Ginger Minger! Ewww gross! Why do you want to see that shiz? You sir or madam if you've read this far are no better than the people looking up Little Leung and Sexzap. I still don't actually know what the last one is either.

Maybe I should make up a new term like frigpot, create a post about it and see if anyone tries to search for it.

*UPDATE*

I just learned you can follow this fine piece of poon on Twitter here.
Twitter? More like TITter. Ha. Oh Cashman, how you amuse me.

Kitchen Stadium

Some restaraunts in Manly are trying to beat the crap out of each other here.

Manly Council has threatened to take away their outdoor licenses if they don't settle down. Where will they take it if they can't take it outside? Into Iron Chef Kitchen Stadium, that's where. They would love it, a cook off then a punch up afterwards. That's value.

Anyways, back to the story. If I read that I could get a meal and the possibility of a punch up, I wouldn't be deterred in going to the place. I'd think of ways to aggravate them like I'll only enter your restaraunt if you punch one of the opposition waiters in the face. Probably not subtle, but it'd be entertaining,

Cripple Fight!

Disabled men 'forced into fight club' at Corpus Christi State School in Texas. Read more here.

Apparently some carers forced some disabled people into fights by provoking them. Someone filmed it and then lost their phone they would've gotten away with it too if those pesky cops hadn't found it. If I were to find a phone I'd go to the photo's and or video section right away to see what sort of nasty freaky shit the last owner had on it cos you might get lucky. Sometimes you'll even find a cripple fight. It's unfortunate that this time it fell into the hands of the law.

Anyways, stuff about reform and things but the article goes on to say.

"It's some of the worst child abuse I've seen in over 30 years,"

Ok. So explain this then.

...They suffered only minor injuries.

I don't want to appear to be a jerk, but I will. I'm wondering what it is captain? Is it the worst ever abuse or is it just minor injuries? Maybe you haven't seen that much in your 30 years after all.

RWOC 1 Corpus Christi Police Captain 0

Extreme Origami

News from Japan, a worker was crushed in a paper recyclying machine.

His name was Rustle. There were no obvious injuries except that his forehead was creased. Management have been forced to temporarily fold the operation.

Don't Become Friends With Anthony Stancl on Facebook.

He'll get you to send photo's of your pee pee and then he'll blackmail you.

Read more here.

He apparently pretended to be a chick on Facebook and then got 31 dudes to send him naked photos of themselves. Talk about poking.

He's now being charged with sexual assault and child pornography. His defence lawyers say that Anthony is feeling rather cocky about fighting the charges. If guilty he faces 300 years in prison, more than enough time to coerce cell mates into becoming his face book friends although the poking will probably be done with broom handles.

Little Leung

Another great story about a young boy searching for love here.

It's about a 12 year old boy who has offered his services as a gigolo to women aged 10-45. Couple of obvious problems. At last check women don't become women till at least 18-21 and I'm pretty sure that a 12 year old on a 10 year old is all kinds of illegal and secondly, try picking a better name than "Little Leung." It's not exactly going to make you a big hit with the ladies.

Little Leung, if you're reading this - Stay in school, prostitution is for fools.