Thursday, February 26, 2009
Names
The best names are always a great example of Aliteration. If I could change my name I'd change it to Perry Percalicious. I would sell coffee machines.
Thomas the Tank Engine
Did you see that episode of Thomas the Tank Engine where he got lost and they couldn’t find him? It was a pretty shit episode but it did introduce a new character – Google, the Search Engine.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The Expendables - Potentially Great or a Trainwreck?
The Expendables looks to have one of the greatest casts ever assembled in the history of man. Here's what IMDb have to say about it.
Mickey Rourke ... Emanuel
Jason Statham ... Lee Christmas
Sylvester Stallone ... Barney Ross
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Sandra Bullock ... (rumored)
Jet Li ... Kong Kao
Ben Kingsley ... Monroe (rumored)
Dolph Lundgren ... Gunnar Jensen
Forest Whitaker ... Agent Will Sands
The only way they could make it better is to get Robert Downey Jnr (Iron Man version not Heart and Souls version) Michael Bienh and the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. I hope Jason Statham dies really early. In the filming process not the actual film. Perhaps not, then he'd become a tragic hero. Hopefully he just disappears during filming then.
"A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator."Sounds awesome. Here's a look at the cast.
Mickey Rourke ... Emanuel
Jason Statham ... Lee Christmas
Sylvester Stallone ... Barney Ross
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Sandra Bullock ... (rumored)
Jet Li ... Kong Kao
Ben Kingsley ... Monroe (rumored)
Dolph Lundgren ... Gunnar Jensen
Forest Whitaker ... Agent Will Sands
The only way they could make it better is to get Robert Downey Jnr (Iron Man version not Heart and Souls version) Michael Bienh and the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. I hope Jason Statham dies really early. In the filming process not the actual film. Perhaps not, then he'd become a tragic hero. Hopefully he just disappears during filming then.
You're telling me this is a Sign.
The signs in the foyer inspired me to write my own. See if you can pick it out.
Glasses Glasses
There’s a sign in the foyer at work that says that someone has found some reading glasses. It’s been there since Friday and no one has claimed them yet. It’s probably because they can’t read the sign without their reading glasses.
I started on twitter and I don’t know if I like it. I’m raypower over there and I’m currently using it to post what my facebook status says. Right now, it’s like a less successful echo. It’s probably as futile as this blog really. I’ll persevere and let you know how it goes through tweets. Add me if you like. I won’t mind.
Swagger
I noticed that I have started to swagger a bit. Not quite like a drunk, or Captain Jack Sparrow or Tobey Maguire and his Spiderman strut (that’s a strut as I said not a swagger so it doesn’t count), but more a “I’m using my hips instead of my hands to talk” kind of thing. It’s weird and I’m not too sure what to do about it. No one has said anything yet so I’m kind of glad about it.
Man Tunnel.
The mens toilet at work has a room with no toilet stuff in there. It’s kind of like a foyer. Sometimes, someone will turn off the light for this small little room. When you walk into it and the light is off, it feels like you’re walking through a tunnel that leads to a toilet. Spooky.
Hot Coffee
I covered my coffee sipper with my tongue and held it there for at least 10 seconds. It hurt.
Rogue Hairs.
Look at your desk. I reckon you can find at least one hair that doesn’t belong there. I’m not talking about a different coloured hair but a curly one. How do they get there? I don’t go shedding my pubes onto my desk and I’m pretty sure that my colleagues don’t either; that would be malicious. One of life’s mystery’s eh? Until we solve it, let’s enjoy “One of these things” with Bob and Susan.
My guess is the square one.
My guess is the square one.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Church Rips Off Non-Parishoner
On Sunday morning one of the three local churches had a frangipani plant sale. The church was the more catholic of the three. Marissa likes frangipani’s and I would’ve bought one for her but I was on my way into the city and if I’d stopped, bought one and then taken it home I would’ve missed my train. Instead I called her and told her about the sales and how much they were. She said she’d wander up shortly.
The following are events as they happened to Marissa. If it is boring, blame her and not me. I will adopt her character for the rest of the story.
The following are events as they happened to Marissa. If it is boring, blame her and not me. I will adopt her character for the rest of the story.
"I wandered up at about 9:50am and there were only 3 plants left, two $20 ones and a $10 one. I told the lady I wanted the $10 plant as it had a couple of blossoms on it. The lady said that she’d hold it for me until after the 10am service. I told her that she need not bother as I was going to the 6pm service as I had errands to run this morning. This was a lie. She looked at me strangely but sold me the plant. I walked home with Fran – the plant – and brushed against a low hanging branch. Suddenly a blossom fell off. I was freaking out thinking I’ve already stuffed the plant up, then I looked closer and noticed it was a clipping. The dodgy church bitch had sold me a plant which was not flowering, she’d just wedged a clipping in there. Unable to take it back I put it on a stool outside and watered it."And there you have it. The moral of the story is don’t trust the church, they’ll stick a branch in your pot and deceive you. Below is a frangipani which is not Fran. I think its name is Phillip.
Doors
I wonder how long I could stand in front of a glass door until someone opens it for me. I reckon a long time.
This is a non toilet related post, unless the glass door is the entrance to a toilet.
This is a non toilet related post, unless the glass door is the entrance to a toilet.
Meanings
Anxiousness is waiting to use one of the two cubicles in the men’s toilets at Redfern station when it’s 9:30 at night.
Relief is watching the door open to reveal a clean cubicle and a skater dude who only went tinkles.
Disappointment is the guy who was waiting for the other cubicle, looking forlornly at you as you go into the clean cubicle while he has to deal with waiting longer.
Disgust is watching a hobo come out of the other cubicle with his pants not quite done up yet.
Anger is watching the waiting guy get queue jumped as someone rushes in and grabs my now vacant cubicle leaving him with the hobo cubicle.
Resignation is waiting guy entering the hobo cubicle.
Hygiene is non-existent.
Relief is watching the door open to reveal a clean cubicle and a skater dude who only went tinkles.
Disappointment is the guy who was waiting for the other cubicle, looking forlornly at you as you go into the clean cubicle while he has to deal with waiting longer.
Disgust is watching a hobo come out of the other cubicle with his pants not quite done up yet.
Anger is watching the waiting guy get queue jumped as someone rushes in and grabs my now vacant cubicle leaving him with the hobo cubicle.
Resignation is waiting guy entering the hobo cubicle.
Hygiene is non-existent.
Stains on walls
There are stains on the wall that look a little streaky. I think they’re human in origin and I want to sniff them but I don’t think I will. That would be gross. I am no longer going to female cubicles.
Female Toilets
I like going to female toilets and urinating in cubicles. These cubicles have their own toilets and no-one is in this cubicle with me. I have to time it well. The rush of almost getting caught is indescribable. If I were to describe it right now it would render that last statement obsolete so I won’t.
Monday, February 23, 2009
ECRL Massive!
The Epping Chatswood Rail Link (ECRL) opened today and I’m well excited. It should mean a 30 min reduction in travel time each way. Over the course of a year that’s 230 more hours of Ray time (based on a 46 week working year). That’s almost 10 days. I could see 153, 90 min feature length movies. I’m kinda looking forward to it. Most of it will be underground but I intend to have a look at the stations as I go past. I haven’t looked more forward to a train trip home since back in 1996 when I got to harass Ravenswood girls.
Lady Chatterley
I’m currently reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence. I don’t know if I like it yet.
The story so far is that Lady Chatterley has married a crip who she doesn’t seem to particularly like. She doesn’t really like too much about her life except for their pink gravel path. She wasn’t a Lady before she married Chatterley and by the sounds of the title she’s not much of a Lady throughout the book either.
Anyways, Lawrence, through his characters discusses a great deal about the role of sex and the difference between the sexes and their drives etc. These thoughts are kind of relevant know even though it was written back in the 20’s.
The latest big thing to happen is that the crip has said that if the Lady wants to boof other dudes she should as it’s the course of a natural life. It shouldn’t matter if she boofs or if she has a child by another man because their lives are intertwined through marriage and the exertions of a few minutes shouldn’t detract from their common history. The lady reflects on this as the crip doesn’t know she’s been boofing one of his writer peers who is described as having a soft boy like body. He’s a bit of a jerk and I think it’s going to set off a reaction within the Lady. She’s also just met the games keeper. Uh-oh…I think I know where this is heading.
The story so far is that Lady Chatterley has married a crip who she doesn’t seem to particularly like. She doesn’t really like too much about her life except for their pink gravel path. She wasn’t a Lady before she married Chatterley and by the sounds of the title she’s not much of a Lady throughout the book either.
Anyways, Lawrence, through his characters discusses a great deal about the role of sex and the difference between the sexes and their drives etc. These thoughts are kind of relevant know even though it was written back in the 20’s.
The latest big thing to happen is that the crip has said that if the Lady wants to boof other dudes she should as it’s the course of a natural life. It shouldn’t matter if she boofs or if she has a child by another man because their lives are intertwined through marriage and the exertions of a few minutes shouldn’t detract from their common history. The lady reflects on this as the crip doesn’t know she’s been boofing one of his writer peers who is described as having a soft boy like body. He’s a bit of a jerk and I think it’s going to set off a reaction within the Lady. She’s also just met the games keeper. Uh-oh…I think I know where this is heading.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Interview
I got interviewed with Jamie yesterday afternoon about the GPO. The interviewer was a nice but slightly disinterested guy called Jake. We met at the water feature at St Leonards station. He said he'd be wearing a tan hat but it was more off white/grey than tan. He needed a chocolate bar to function. He actually called it candy which was weird and cultural.
I'm not too sure what he expected but we had fun mostly at his and other peoples expense. He asked what our inspiration was and we fell into a good cop/bad cop routine. Where Jamie wrote to shake people out of their rut, I wrote to hurt people. I likened my poetry to the stories of people leaving razor blades in water slides - they're not going to be there in the water slide when it cuts someone open, but they know that they'll be hurting someone. I believe that my poetry is a literary razor blade waiting to mind cut someone. Jake was disturbed by this and reacted physically by cringing and moving away slightly. We discussed more stuff about organic growth and trying to find the worst in people by writing horrible, dirty poetry. I saw some fear and it was ace.
The highlight came about 40 mins into the interview. We had left army men strapped with poetry around the water feature at St Leonards and watched people's reactions. We'd had a couple of nibbles from people who looked but didn't touch until this old guy picked up two soldiers only to put them down again. He then walked up to a line of seven and by that stage his defences were down. He made sure he picked the one that called to him the most and took it home to his invalid wife to share a poem that most likely has something to do with sodomy.
Five minutes afterwards a group of four 20 somethings picked up a soldier each and had an impromptu rectal with our work. It felt great, watching them from across the water feature, reciting, leaning back and laughing in appreciation. They walked off and passed two bins but they didn't feel the need to dispose of our poems. They kept them to show to friends and perhaps family.
Hopefully Jake felt some vaildation at that moment as we'd wasted his time for about 50 mins up until that point. He asked a couple more questions and made his retreat. I like to think we had done well. If anything becomes of the interview I'll let you know asap.
Anyways, to round out here's a picture of a water slide - hopefully without razor blades.
Here's the photo stream if you liked the photo.
I'm not too sure what he expected but we had fun mostly at his and other peoples expense. He asked what our inspiration was and we fell into a good cop/bad cop routine. Where Jamie wrote to shake people out of their rut, I wrote to hurt people. I likened my poetry to the stories of people leaving razor blades in water slides - they're not going to be there in the water slide when it cuts someone open, but they know that they'll be hurting someone. I believe that my poetry is a literary razor blade waiting to mind cut someone. Jake was disturbed by this and reacted physically by cringing and moving away slightly. We discussed more stuff about organic growth and trying to find the worst in people by writing horrible, dirty poetry. I saw some fear and it was ace.
The highlight came about 40 mins into the interview. We had left army men strapped with poetry around the water feature at St Leonards and watched people's reactions. We'd had a couple of nibbles from people who looked but didn't touch until this old guy picked up two soldiers only to put them down again. He then walked up to a line of seven and by that stage his defences were down. He made sure he picked the one that called to him the most and took it home to his invalid wife to share a poem that most likely has something to do with sodomy.
Five minutes afterwards a group of four 20 somethings picked up a soldier each and had an impromptu rectal with our work. It felt great, watching them from across the water feature, reciting, leaning back and laughing in appreciation. They walked off and passed two bins but they didn't feel the need to dispose of our poems. They kept them to show to friends and perhaps family.
Hopefully Jake felt some vaildation at that moment as we'd wasted his time for about 50 mins up until that point. He asked a couple more questions and made his retreat. I like to think we had done well. If anything becomes of the interview I'll let you know asap.
Anyways, to round out here's a picture of a water slide - hopefully without razor blades.
Here's the photo stream if you liked the photo.
Hang Nail
My body is protesting against something I've done. First I have ear pimples, now I have a hang nail in my pinkie toe and it hurt like a mofo to pull out. Why is that? It's small. It says to me that small things hurt the most
Midgets, they're small they hurt. Children are small, they hurt too. My readership is tiny and I'm sure those of you that do read are hurting right now.
Theory/observation proven! Nice work for a Saturday.
Here is someone else's hang nail.
Fungal, funky, functional and fun!
Midgets, they're small they hurt. Children are small, they hurt too. My readership is tiny and I'm sure those of you that do read are hurting right now.
Theory/observation proven! Nice work for a Saturday.
Here is someone else's hang nail.
Fungal, funky, functional and fun!
Friday, February 20, 2009
NBL Finals
Who would've thought it eh? The biggest trainwreck in Australian sport is almost over.
At least the Breakers are happy. The destroyed Adelaide 131-101 on Thursday night. I guess that they're my team throughout the finals now, but I love Goorj because of his Kings association. I guess that means that by default I love the Dragons. There's a chance that it could be a Dragons v Breakers final which would mean Goorj vs CJ. It's compelling viewing if that's the case and you'd back Goorj in that one.
Seriously though does anyone care? What a shit of a season. I say bring back Kingma! Sigh, now there was a guy with class. I've said this before haven't I? Yeah thought so. Another Kingma photo can't hurt though...
Can it?
At least the Breakers are happy. The destroyed Adelaide 131-101 on Thursday night. I guess that they're my team throughout the finals now, but I love Goorj because of his Kings association. I guess that means that by default I love the Dragons. There's a chance that it could be a Dragons v Breakers final which would mean Goorj vs CJ. It's compelling viewing if that's the case and you'd back Goorj in that one.
Seriously though does anyone care? What a shit of a season. I say bring back Kingma! Sigh, now there was a guy with class. I've said this before haven't I? Yeah thought so. Another Kingma photo can't hurt though...
Can it?
Ear Pimples
They hurt more than pimples on other parts of your body except for perhaps your nose.
I've never got a pimple on my elbow or knees though. Weird.
I've never got a pimple on my elbow or knees though. Weird.
I Have No Friends
I constantly google, youtube and facebook search myself. You should try searching for me too, it'd help me out stacks. The other day I found out I have no friends.
Can't argue with technology can you?
Can't argue with technology can you?
Chicks Sleeping Together.
Oh yeah. The 8:23 from Hornsby is Public Transport Hotness!
These freaks don't even need a seat and they're sleeping together. You may recognise one of the sleeping chicks as the original sleeping chick. Well now she has a partner. They do it in full view as well. Does their kinkiness know no boundaries?
Inflatable Dinosaur
I've decided to stay on theme. Inflatable Dinosaur is technically correct I guess but really, it's more a balloon T-Rex. It even ate a guy and is trying to poop him out. So very impressive.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Dinosaurs on Robots
Oh yes. This shit is very real.
D on R action right here.
If they had starships firing intergalactic pirates and ninja's at each other this would make it the best site ever.
D on R action right here.
If they had starships firing intergalactic pirates and ninja's at each other this would make it the best site ever.
Branded Umbrella's
Why are there promotional umbrellas? While I was out and about yesterday I noticed a Blackberry Bold Umbrella which is probably the stupidest union of product and promotional material ever. They have nothing to do with each other, but that’s not really necessary to advertise anything I guess. That said, a Blackberry Umbrella is never going to be the tipping point for an indecisive buyer is it? “I like the iPhone’s touch interface and the application support however the Bold has branded umbrella’s. That is game set and match as far as I’m concerned.”
Usually, branded umbrella’s are massive and annoying. The only time you look at them is when they poke you in the eye when some finance jerk with a sense of self importance as large as his Umbrella pushes past you. It’s not really the brand association that they’re looking for I reckon. Because Umbrella’s are big and annoying they should put big and annoying things on them like Oprah Winfrey or the gap between Shannon Noll’s teeth or perhaps Jason Statham’s unrealistic self perception as a hard man.
Bruce Willis, he’s hard, he walked on glass. Arnie is hard, he pushed a grindstone in the middle of nowhere for about 20 years. You Jason Statham, are not hard. You are a transporter – that’s right, a glorified courier/taxi driver. You only seem to be able to drive and talk in a faux gravelly voice. You should be plastered on massive golf umbrella’s as an example of someone who is not hard at all. Gar!
Way to derail the post Ray…
Train Cops Get Hassled.
I was on the train home last night and some train cops wandered up and down the carriage. They checked tickets and got up to this stupid Korean kid who bought a student ticket but wasn't a student. They all got off at Rhodes and as they left a slightly nasal voice belonging to someone from a lower socio-economic class than myself yelled "Get a real job" They didn't hear her.
The train stopped at Rhodes for a while and so train heckler went to the middle bit and stood at the door and stared at them, waiting until the last moment before the doors shut to yell "You guys need a real job" I know. She is so awesome.
Honestly though, this woman is a social jerk. My main stickling points with her are how about allowing them the right of response and how about telling them this when they checked your ticket instead of sitting there impassively and showing them?
She strutted around the middle bit of the carriage when the train left and so I glared at her. She was the type of person who struck up coversations with people but not to be nice. It was only to revel in her anti-authoratarian ways. I was really pissed off at this point and so I listened into her conversation. She repeated her extremely witty and original "They need real jobs man" line and then went on to explain that she worked as an outbound call centre operator. Hang on a second. That's actually worse in my estimation of jobs. It's like a necrophile frowning on a pedo and saying "Well at least I wait for them to die"
Well it's probably not that extreme but you get my point.
Next time I see her I hope the train cops bust out a bit of this action
Booyah!
The train stopped at Rhodes for a while and so train heckler went to the middle bit and stood at the door and stared at them, waiting until the last moment before the doors shut to yell "You guys need a real job" I know. She is so awesome.
Honestly though, this woman is a social jerk. My main stickling points with her are how about allowing them the right of response and how about telling them this when they checked your ticket instead of sitting there impassively and showing them?
She strutted around the middle bit of the carriage when the train left and so I glared at her. She was the type of person who struck up coversations with people but not to be nice. It was only to revel in her anti-authoratarian ways. I was really pissed off at this point and so I listened into her conversation. She repeated her extremely witty and original "They need real jobs man" line and then went on to explain that she worked as an outbound call centre operator. Hang on a second. That's actually worse in my estimation of jobs. It's like a necrophile frowning on a pedo and saying "Well at least I wait for them to die"
Well it's probably not that extreme but you get my point.
Next time I see her I hope the train cops bust out a bit of this action
Booyah!
Business Cards
We ordered new business cards for the Sales guys in the office. I received 500 of my own Ray variety back in the day and have only used about 50 so far as there's only so many bowls at pubs you can leave them at. Anyways, I was present when a new deck of cards arrived and so I rushed back to my deak, picked up about 20 cards and then interspersed them throughout the sales guys deck. This was about 2 weeks ago.
I saw him yesterday and he didn't say anything to me the cards and was quite friendly. I don't think he's found them yet. It should be fun when he does but, what's the recourse for something like that? Not much I'd imagine. I'll let you know.
I saw him yesterday and he didn't say anything to me the cards and was quite friendly. I don't think he's found them yet. It should be fun when he does but, what's the recourse for something like that? Not much I'd imagine. I'll let you know.
I'm on a Boat
I'm sure we've all had that I'm on a Boat moment and this is no exception. T-Pain's gentle "Motherfucker" refrain about 2/3 of the way through really does it for me.
Japan - You have outdone yourself
via Holytaco
This rates as one of the most awesome, freaky, arousing things I've ever seen.
I don't even know what Inochi is meant to be? Perhaps someone made a sack of flour come to life and then they made it breed with a boiled potato to create Inochi.
Bonus Easter Egg! If you look closely at the 51 second mark I swear he's got a boner.
This rates as one of the most awesome, freaky, arousing things I've ever seen.
I don't even know what Inochi is meant to be? Perhaps someone made a sack of flour come to life and then they made it breed with a boiled potato to create Inochi.
Bonus Easter Egg! If you look closely at the 51 second mark I swear he's got a boner.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Bilbo by Spock
It's quite catchy but STD catchy as in you don't actually want to catch it.
Via Sprial Pocus who linked Darth Thriller from here so I thought I might return the favour.
Via Sprial Pocus who linked Darth Thriller from here so I thought I might return the favour.
Comedy Wrap Up - Raw and other Stuff.
It’s been a big week in comedy for me. Last week I had three gigs which varied in success for me. The first was all new material so I stood on stage with a list and read them out one by one until people laughed. Not too professional I know, but it was effective as I found out what was ok and used it the next night at a slightly funnier gig.
On Friday afternoon I received a call from my Comedy Teacher asking me to help him with a show idea on Sunday. Excited I said yes. That night, I went to gig in the city and lost any confidence and sense of self worth I once had. It was a horrible gig where the MC rode the night into the ground with his complete lack of people skills and personality. He’s meant to have been a professional comedian at one stage but I highly doubt it as listening to him is like going back to the 80’s (as he still thinks Michael Jackson jokes are relevant) and speaking to a child whose observations and puerile and obvious to the extent of stupidity.
What’s more one of my mates tried to bring his Mrs along to watch him perform. Instead of offering a comp ticket to an empty theatre he tried to make her pay. The logic is there, I guess, but the people skills and business sense is not. When it was my turn the audience were fatigued, bored and drunk and I ended up mocking them which I don’t like but who cares?
Sunday was interesting. I rocked up and I had to basically do my comedy course from 18 months ago all over again. It’s a good mix of people and they’re all quite witty which makes for good TV fodder. It’s for a reality show based on the course with the conclusion being the graduation gig in a couple of weeks. Week 2 films this Sunday and I’m looking forward to it, if anything to hear what sort of fuct up things the gang has written down.
Monday was my Raw Comedy Heat. I got there at 7:30 and it was kind of manic and disorganised. Billy, who I went to Canberra with last year, tried to get on but couldn’t and Amanda, my friend who was at the Roxbury finals last year was on the list but wasn’t there because she’s actually on next week. Commonsense would dictate subbing one out and subbing the other one in but on Monday it didn’t prevail so Billy may miss Raw this year. Anyways, Cameron Knight was MC and is good enough to keep the night going without taking too much of the limelight. I was on second and I was thankful that I wasn’t on later as it was a hella long night with 16 comics on the bill all up. Having the impending knowledge that you are going to perform rushing around your head for 3 hours is not a good space to be in so I pity the kids who were on in the last bracket.
As for my set, it was quite solid. Some of my newer stuff didn’t land as cleanly as I would’ve liked but I was happy, especially with a new joke about a girl crying which was perhaps the strongest part of my set. After the gig the amount of people who came up to me and said I done good was overwhelming. I got some great feedback and congratulations from some established comedians and that was the icing on the cake. The night ended finally and Rodney, a guy in my bracket won and I got an honourable mention. The judges later told me that it was extremely close so you can’t get better than that can you? Yeah you can, you could win it but ah well. Anyways, I’m pretty sure I go onto one of the state semi finals but I’m not sure. Cross your fingers for me world, I’m going to make it after all!
On Friday afternoon I received a call from my Comedy Teacher asking me to help him with a show idea on Sunday. Excited I said yes. That night, I went to gig in the city and lost any confidence and sense of self worth I once had. It was a horrible gig where the MC rode the night into the ground with his complete lack of people skills and personality. He’s meant to have been a professional comedian at one stage but I highly doubt it as listening to him is like going back to the 80’s (as he still thinks Michael Jackson jokes are relevant) and speaking to a child whose observations and puerile and obvious to the extent of stupidity.
What’s more one of my mates tried to bring his Mrs along to watch him perform. Instead of offering a comp ticket to an empty theatre he tried to make her pay. The logic is there, I guess, but the people skills and business sense is not. When it was my turn the audience were fatigued, bored and drunk and I ended up mocking them which I don’t like but who cares?
Sunday was interesting. I rocked up and I had to basically do my comedy course from 18 months ago all over again. It’s a good mix of people and they’re all quite witty which makes for good TV fodder. It’s for a reality show based on the course with the conclusion being the graduation gig in a couple of weeks. Week 2 films this Sunday and I’m looking forward to it, if anything to hear what sort of fuct up things the gang has written down.
Monday was my Raw Comedy Heat. I got there at 7:30 and it was kind of manic and disorganised. Billy, who I went to Canberra with last year, tried to get on but couldn’t and Amanda, my friend who was at the Roxbury finals last year was on the list but wasn’t there because she’s actually on next week. Commonsense would dictate subbing one out and subbing the other one in but on Monday it didn’t prevail so Billy may miss Raw this year. Anyways, Cameron Knight was MC and is good enough to keep the night going without taking too much of the limelight. I was on second and I was thankful that I wasn’t on later as it was a hella long night with 16 comics on the bill all up. Having the impending knowledge that you are going to perform rushing around your head for 3 hours is not a good space to be in so I pity the kids who were on in the last bracket.
As for my set, it was quite solid. Some of my newer stuff didn’t land as cleanly as I would’ve liked but I was happy, especially with a new joke about a girl crying which was perhaps the strongest part of my set. After the gig the amount of people who came up to me and said I done good was overwhelming. I got some great feedback and congratulations from some established comedians and that was the icing on the cake. The night ended finally and Rodney, a guy in my bracket won and I got an honourable mention. The judges later told me that it was extremely close so you can’t get better than that can you? Yeah you can, you could win it but ah well. Anyways, I’m pretty sure I go onto one of the state semi finals but I’m not sure. Cross your fingers for me world, I’m going to make it after all!
Anniversary
Today is my 1 year anniversary at my current place of employment. It's been fun but I haven't had a fun day. Today is not a microcosm of my experience here. Anyways, go out and celebrate for me. My treat.
Backpacks with Earphone Access
I know they're not new but it's weird. Walkmans have been around for ages but with the popularity in MP3 devices it seems only now that every bag needs one of those little plastic earphone holes. Why didn't people think that the general public needed them before?
Anyways, I don't trust them. They look like little puckered arseholes and I don't trust arseholes. That and I'm not putting anything into my ear that's been dangling out of an arsehole.
Thong Meets Tragic End
You may recognise this guy.
We last saw him here on December 5. Now he's lying in the gutter. His body is broken and he's living in waste. I wish I'd done something more for him but it's a ridiculous notion. I can't save every homeless shoe out there. I'm not a centipede.
We last saw him here on December 5. Now he's lying in the gutter. His body is broken and he's living in waste. I wish I'd done something more for him but it's a ridiculous notion. I can't save every homeless shoe out there. I'm not a centipede.
Ditches
It seems that the paint on the sidewalk was for a public works project. Who would've thought? I admit, my thoughts in Paint on the sidewalk were rather tenuous. What can I say? I had a bad day. Who asked you anyway?
Shut up. Here's the ditch
Shut up. Here's the ditch
Bottle Pop - Retarded Pop Lexicon
Don't you hate it when a pop group tried to make something rather plain into something dirtier? Kellis ruined Milkshakes, Hanson ruined Xmas and now PCD have ruined Bottles. I don't even know where a bottle pop would be located on a female. Last time I checked they're rather phallic in shape so maybe they're trying to tell us something. But seriously, where does it end? Why not make a song called Ironing Board? Here's my 30 second effort.
My bitches are like shirts,
Taking off their skirts,
They come in with a crease and I smooth it out with ease
On my ironing board
Chorus
Iron board, Iron board
It's like a sword
Iron board, Iron board
I spray them with my steam
Iron board iron board
Like a burns victim they scream
Iron board Iron board.
Put some robot voices and that Robert Palmer metal noise in there and you're done. Top 40 song. Jerks.
My bitches are like shirts,
Taking off their skirts,
They come in with a crease and I smooth it out with ease
On my ironing board
Chorus
Iron board, Iron board
It's like a sword
Iron board, Iron board
I spray them with my steam
Iron board iron board
Like a burns victim they scream
Iron board Iron board.
Put some robot voices and that Robert Palmer metal noise in there and you're done. Top 40 song. Jerks.
Sleeping with Books
Librarians watch out, this guy is after your books. He is prepared to sleep with them in public and up against walls.
Transition Lenses
There's a kid who goes to school in Epping and he has transition lenses. I don't like him very much because of his glasses. He is very short and seems to be the alpha male of his group. I have an uncontrollable urge to pick him up and shake him hard but I just glare at him instead. Any suggestions as to what I can do to cope with this irrational hatred?
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Manning the Sink
I walked into the toilets at work and there was a guy brushing his teeth. I looked at him and said "That must've been an epic shit"
Broken Bins
The bin in the mens toilet at work is broken. It was a big wedge taken out of it, yet it still functions. It's a lesson for all of us - although it's body is broken and it is a crip bin, it can still do it's job. Treat crippled workers like you would able bodied ones.
Brett Favre Quits - Again
Brett Favre has announced his retirement after 18 season in the NFL. Read more here.
I never really liked him too much but I respected what he did. I think the closest I cam to liking him was his last season with Green Bay where he lead them to the finals and then he ruined it all by dicking around and making the cut/retirement/bench Aaron Rodgers argument kinda difficult. In the end he's basically stuffed the Jets for a decent QB option next season. I'd consider making a play for Matt Cassel if I were the Jets. Cassel will probably demand a contract upgrade and with Brady healthy it may be too tough to keep both.
Final point - in one of my fantasy leagues this season there was a team named "NYJ #4 is an Ass" Direct and to the point. At least someone will be happy he's gone.
I never really liked him too much but I respected what he did. I think the closest I cam to liking him was his last season with Green Bay where he lead them to the finals and then he ruined it all by dicking around and making the cut/retirement/bench Aaron Rodgers argument kinda difficult. In the end he's basically stuffed the Jets for a decent QB option next season. I'd consider making a play for Matt Cassel if I were the Jets. Cassel will probably demand a contract upgrade and with Brady healthy it may be too tough to keep both.
Final point - in one of my fantasy leagues this season there was a team named "NYJ #4 is an Ass" Direct and to the point. At least someone will be happy he's gone.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Ray's Comedy
Here's the last big gig I did.
Ending was a bit rushed cos I was nearing my time limit but it's not too bad if I do say so myself.
Ending was a bit rushed cos I was nearing my time limit but it's not too bad if I do say so myself.
Comedy Update
I've just come off the back of a two show tour where I played to audiences of more than 15 but less than 20 each time.
The first was Monday at the Laugh Garage. My lack of preparation almost stole the show but my content and lack of stage character let me get away with it. In all seriousness I used a cheat sheet and most of the jokes landed so bully for me.
The second was last night at The Edge. It was a fun night where people didn't try to hard but it was still a good quality night. My friend Amanda ripped the room apart with her list again and I had a set of solidness apparently. Tried some new stuff, refined some untested material and I should be right for my Raw gig next Monday. Hooray for me!
Next gig is Friday at the Star Bar. I might try my retarded prop comedy and one liners. I promise not to look like Carrot Top at any point though. he's a crazy looking dude.
The first was Monday at the Laugh Garage. My lack of preparation almost stole the show but my content and lack of stage character let me get away with it. In all seriousness I used a cheat sheet and most of the jokes landed so bully for me.
The second was last night at The Edge. It was a fun night where people didn't try to hard but it was still a good quality night. My friend Amanda ripped the room apart with her list again and I had a set of solidness apparently. Tried some new stuff, refined some untested material and I should be right for my Raw gig next Monday. Hooray for me!
Next gig is Friday at the Star Bar. I might try my retarded prop comedy and one liners. I promise not to look like Carrot Top at any point though. he's a crazy looking dude.
Wishing Well
It's by the artist formally known as Terence Trent D'Arby. He changed his name to Sananda Maitreya in 2001 and has gone on a bit of a self discovery tour after saying stuff like Introducing the Hardline was the best album since Sgt Peppers and he was bigger than God.
Talented and humble.
Anyways, I love this song. It makes me feel funny on the insides.
Talented and humble.
Anyways, I love this song. It makes me feel funny on the insides.
Patterns on Patterns
It used to be a trend in mid 2005. I'm wearing a striped jersey with a checked business shirt underneath and I look like a twat. I don't think I'll do it again. I feel so low.
Hand Towels
With all the talk on saving our renewable resources I'm mindful of how many paper towels I use these days. I'm usually a 3-towel man as trying to use 1 is cleary the past time of the insane. I could probably get by with using only 2 but I just like to be extra sure my hands are dry.
I think if I embark upon a vigourous shaking campaign and then dry my hands a happy medium could perhaps be reached. Happy medium is probably the wrong turn of phrase to use here as the medium between 2 & 3 would be 2.5 and that would mean ripping in half a towel and seriously, who is going to use half a towel to dry their hands.
Maybe I could just invest in a cotton hand towel that I keep in my breast pocket.
Ha. Breast.
Here's the towel of destiny. I don't know either. Read about it here.
I think if I embark upon a vigourous shaking campaign and then dry my hands a happy medium could perhaps be reached. Happy medium is probably the wrong turn of phrase to use here as the medium between 2 & 3 would be 2.5 and that would mean ripping in half a towel and seriously, who is going to use half a towel to dry their hands.
Maybe I could just invest in a cotton hand towel that I keep in my breast pocket.
Ha. Breast.
Here's the towel of destiny. I don't know either. Read about it here.
New Guy
There's a new guy in the office and he's been here all week. Maybe I wasn't here for introductions. Should I introduce myself? He's the new guy, he should really be the one that says hi to me, shoudln't he? Maybe I should say hi.
But I won't.
But I won't.
Pile of Vomit
I was speaking to one of my friends and she said she woke up in a pile of vomit. I pulled her up on this. i said usually my vomit is in liquid form and would there for form a puddle. Unless hers was extra chunky I doubt it would've been a pile.
She agreed and said "Well played sir, well played"
She didn't actually say that last bit. I lied again.
She agreed and said "Well played sir, well played"
She didn't actually say that last bit. I lied again.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Awesome
That last post reminded me of this picture.
The only thing that could make this picture better is if there was a troop of midget dancers chasing ugly children off the stage while hitting them in the back of the head with a broom made of lightning.
The only thing that could make this picture better is if there was a troop of midget dancers chasing ugly children off the stage while hitting them in the back of the head with a broom made of lightning.
Darth Thriller
It makes you believe in the world again.
The only thing that could make it better is if someone set Jason Statham on fire and fired him out of a cannon with rainbow decals on it into a pirate vs ninja battle whilst they sang Afternoon Delight.
The only thing that could make it better is if someone set Jason Statham on fire and fired him out of a cannon with rainbow decals on it into a pirate vs ninja battle whilst they sang Afternoon Delight.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Slumdog Millionaire
In order to get out of the heat yesterday we went to see Slumdog Millionaire. All in all it was a good experience. Cinebuzz had a book online and pay $8 for your ticket (which became $9 after booking fee) as well as skipping the longest line in the world bonus thrown in for free. I’d recommend it just to avoid jerks.
We got to our seats and watched on. I think the moral of the story was that Indian people are jerks. It seriously had some of the most despicable characters I’ve ever seen. The worst was the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Host. Not only did he have a fat smug head but he couldn’t actually pronounce Millionaire. Instead of saying Mill-i-on-aire, he’d say Mill-on-aire. Now you may think I’m a bit of a jerk for picking on this guy as I can’t pronounce a word of Hindi but seriously, his job dictates he says Millionaire quite a bit, you’d think he could learn to say it. It’s almost as ridiculous as finding out that Bert Newtown can’t actually count to 20. Ridiculous.
We got to our seats and watched on. I think the moral of the story was that Indian people are jerks. It seriously had some of the most despicable characters I’ve ever seen. The worst was the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Host. Not only did he have a fat smug head but he couldn’t actually pronounce Millionaire. Instead of saying Mill-i-on-aire, he’d say Mill-on-aire. Now you may think I’m a bit of a jerk for picking on this guy as I can’t pronounce a word of Hindi but seriously, his job dictates he says Millionaire quite a bit, you’d think he could learn to say it. It’s almost as ridiculous as finding out that Bert Newtown can’t actually count to 20. Ridiculous.
Dougie the Pizza Boy - Probably Delivering Pizzas
What happened to Dougie? Wikipedia has nothing on him, in fact it’s waiting to be all filled out like. It was nothing on the actor that played Dougie, Diarmid Heidenreich either. All it says is that he was a famous mid 90’s character that appeared in a series of Pizza Hut commercials. The only thing it has is the following “Dougie is a shortened version of Douglas”: Uselful and bound to get you out of a tricky spot next time you’re in trouble. Armed with that sort of knowledge you could rule the world!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Short Shorts - Probably A Father, Not A Good Communicator
You may remember my encounter with Short shorts here.
It's now February so I guess he's a dad again. He didn't email me. Why are people so unkind?
It's now February so I guess he's a dad again. He didn't email me. Why are people so unkind?
Don't Become Friends With Anthony Stancl on Facebook.
He'll get you to send photo's of your pee pee and then he'll blackmail you.
Read more here.
He apparently pretended to be a chick on Facebook and then got 31 dudes to send him naked photos of themselves. Talk about poking.
He's now being charged with sexual assault and child pornography. His defence lawyers say that Anthony is feeling rather cocky about fighting the charges. If guilty he faces 300 years in prison, more than enough time to coerce cell mates into becoming his face book friends although the poking will probably be done with broom handles.
Read more here.
He apparently pretended to be a chick on Facebook and then got 31 dudes to send him naked photos of themselves. Talk about poking.
He's now being charged with sexual assault and child pornography. His defence lawyers say that Anthony is feeling rather cocky about fighting the charges. If guilty he faces 300 years in prison, more than enough time to coerce cell mates into becoming his face book friends although the poking will probably be done with broom handles.
Janelle Monae - Many Moons
I don't even think I need a reason to show this. Perhaps I can say it's part of Friday Tunes which I've never done before. It's likely I'd do it again.
Anyways, Janelle collaborated with Outkast on Idlewild and is also a solo recording artist. This catchy tune is doing the rounds currently. She dances a bit like Andre 3000. She does a crazy staring thing that Andre 3000 does not do which I find kinda soul destroying. She also sounds like she's trying to do the Seasame Street Pinball Machine 1,2,3,4,5 etc riff from about 1:00-1:25. Watch and decide for yourself.
Anyways, Janelle collaborated with Outkast on Idlewild and is also a solo recording artist. This catchy tune is doing the rounds currently. She dances a bit like Andre 3000. She does a crazy staring thing that Andre 3000 does not do which I find kinda soul destroying. She also sounds like she's trying to do the Seasame Street Pinball Machine 1,2,3,4,5 etc riff from about 1:00-1:25. Watch and decide for yourself.
Sleeping Chick
She's not actually a chick, she's an old bird.
I'm not too sure of her train schedule. Sometimes she's there and sometimes she's not. Sometimes she lays all her book keeping out on the floor and goes through it and sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she disappears at Chatswood and sometimes, like today she stays put. I woke her up at Chatswood as I thought it was her stop. She was bleary eyed but grateful I cared and replied "Town Hall" Now I know.
Here's her changing positions like a sexual freak!
I think I can officially get arrested for doing stuff like this. Uh-oh...
I'm not too sure of her train schedule. Sometimes she's there and sometimes she's not. Sometimes she lays all her book keeping out on the floor and goes through it and sometimes she doesn't. Sometimes she disappears at Chatswood and sometimes, like today she stays put. I woke her up at Chatswood as I thought it was her stop. She was bleary eyed but grateful I cared and replied "Town Hall" Now I know.
Here's her changing positions like a sexual freak!
I think I can officially get arrested for doing stuff like this. Uh-oh...
Cut
Someone's cut me partner, cut me deep. I need a bandaid stat!
Lucky there's on on this train seat. Ewww...
Lucky there's on on this train seat. Ewww...
Running Man
On the way to the station yesterday afternoon a large, dark man with no shirt on ran past me. I was surprised and caught slightly off guard. I wanted to take a photo but then the people surrounding me would've thought I was a homosexual racist and so I didn't. I wish I hadn't succumbed to unspoken peer pressure.
Anyways, as the "to photograph or not to photograph" struggle went on in my head I focused on his shorts and I started looking for a visible panty line. There was none which meant that this dark running man was freeballing in short shorts. Why was he even running? If a bigger, dark man with even shorter shorts was chasing after him I'd understand but there wasn't. I decided he was just jogging but I wish he wasn't. No-one needs to see that shit.
Anyways, as the "to photograph or not to photograph" struggle went on in my head I focused on his shorts and I started looking for a visible panty line. There was none which meant that this dark running man was freeballing in short shorts. Why was he even running? If a bigger, dark man with even shorter shorts was chasing after him I'd understand but there wasn't. I decided he was just jogging but I wish he wasn't. No-one needs to see that shit.
Red Rocket
What if Red Baloon Day, vendors of expeirences such as baloon rides and other crap went with another airborne craft in it's name. Perhaps rocket? It'd then become Red Rocket Day, the site that celebrates dog erections. Here's an artists impression of what their logo would look like.
Classy.
Classy.
Ideas
People stop me in the street all the time and say "Hey you're Ray, author of popular blog Ray's World of Charm. Where do you get your ideas from man?"
No they don't.
I wish they did.
No they don't.
I wish they did.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Crack
Here's Ris about to crack an egg.
I bet she wishes she had the Egg Cracker
Here it is in practice.
Why would you bother? I tried following the links and it's no longer available. I guess the yolk's on them.
I bet she wishes she had the Egg Cracker
Here it is in practice.
Why would you bother? I tried following the links and it's no longer available. I guess the yolk's on them.
Christian Bale Rant - Remix
The rant is old news. Read a transcript here. It isn't the full one cos it goes for about 4 minutes. My favourite part is where he says "You and I are done professionally" I'd imagine that their interpersonal connection is probably done too. I mean it's not like they're going to visit each other for scones and tea after that talking to.
I also appreciated how he tries to soften the rant by saying "You're a nice guy" only to back it up with a "fucking ass" towards the end.
Anyways as with anything it's been remixed into a dance tune. It's actually quite catchy. I expect it will become a Jamster Mobile content ad for $5.95 soon along with that singing fucking bunny.
Here's the remix.
And for your reference here's the original rant with some captions. A bit half arsed if you ask me...the caption not the rant.
I also appreciated how he tries to soften the rant by saying "You're a nice guy" only to back it up with a "fucking ass" towards the end.
Anyways as with anything it's been remixed into a dance tune. It's actually quite catchy. I expect it will become a Jamster Mobile content ad for $5.95 soon along with that singing fucking bunny.
Here's the remix.
And for your reference here's the original rant with some captions. A bit half arsed if you ask me...the caption not the rant.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Epic Guitar Hero - Devil goes to Georgia
This is from Guitar Hero 3. It goes for 6 minutes. It makes my hand cramp just thinking about it. This guy probably doesn't need a girlfriend. His squirel grip would be so tight he'd just stay at home surfing teh intrwebz for teh pr0n all day long - in between bouts GH3 of course.
Little Leung is a hit!
I had a bit of a surge in traffic from South East Asian countries yesterday. All of a sudden I had 1 hit from Malysia, Singapore and Indonesia when I'd never had anyone from that part of the world be Ray Charmed ever before. When I looked at what brought them here I was surprised and amused.
I can just imagine some Ped from Malaysia with no pants on typing "Little Leung" into the Google and getting a link here. Oh yeah!
I can just imagine some Ped from Malaysia with no pants on typing "Little Leung" into the Google and getting a link here. Oh yeah!
Getting Dumped By Facebook Friends
Warning - long inexplicable post ahead. Thought process for disclaimer explained at the bottom.
I have 364 facebook friends. I check this number on a daily basis not because I need the validation of online friendship, but because it goes up and down, like the weight of (Insert Kirstie Alley, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Oprah Winfrey here). That's not really a reason is it? Ok, I'm shallow.
In my facebook history, I have only dropped a friend once because I didn't really like their constant status pilfering and annoying requests, I didn't explain myself to them so I guess I'm being a hypocrite but shut up, this is my post. Out of the 364, I pride myself on only having 5 people that I haven't actually met on my list. I know that there are stacks of people out there with more friends such as 17 year old girls who OD at music festivals or 12 year old gigolo's but I think I do ok. Add one more friend and I have a friend for every day of the year (barring leap years, then I'm rooted)
Anyways, because I check my friend counter every day like the shallow husk of a man that I am, I notice if I lose a friend. It's happened a couple of times but when your friend base gets to a certain level it's hard to realise who's left because, let's face it, I only really talk to about 15-20 people on a regular basis. The others are just there for show. So when someone leaves it's probably a good thing because you weren't really utilising them were you? That and you have no idea who it was that dumped you because you never actually spoke to them anyway.
That has been true for the majority of my experience except for three occasions. These three times all hurt because I was able to identify the dumper. Getting facebook dumped is not a gracious event, it just happens without explaination (see my earlier example). There's no letters, flowers or breakup lunch where they pay. It's clinical and quick and it leaves hollowness and pent up rage. To help with the healing, let's go through my three known dumpers now.
The first was a guy I went to high school with who has about 400 friends. He did a bit of a clean out and apparently I'm not good enough to be in his inner circle. Nor is another of my mates. As a result, I didn't talk to him at our reunion. Yeah, way to show him who's boss, bet he regretted dumping me now.
The second was a chick I went to primary school with. I barely remember her but she sent a personal greeting and asked if I remembered her. Whatever. Be my friend. Getting on my friend list is easier than making fun of Nicole Kidman and online friendship is not going to impact either of us in any way shape or form so sure.. After asking to be my friend, 6 months later, she dumped me. It could've been earlier than that, I only happened to notice at 6 months. It left me confused and enraged. Why would you find someone from primary school who you didn't particularly know that well only to get rid of them? I can only assume that it was me who disappointed her or maybe she just grew out of the friendship. Who knows? Bitch.
The third was a comic who kicks around the Sydney scene. He's a pretty funny guy with a pretty bitter twisted view on life. We gigged at the Laugh Garage and I saw he was friends with a couple of the other comics and so I added him as is our wont. That was in September or October. I remember looking at his profile and at his blog which was quite amusing. Last month I thought I'd look at it again but realised I couldn't find him in my friends list anymore. He'd dumped me after 3 months! That one probably hurt the most as we both had mutual interests and there is a reasonable chance we'll run into each other again this year. Get ready for a bag full of awkward!
Anyways, that's my tale of heartache and woe. I'll let you know if I confront these people. In fact I might start with primary school chick and go from there. Should be amusing at least.
Whoa. In review that was pretty intense. Apologies. I'll go put a disclaimer at the top now...
I have 364 facebook friends. I check this number on a daily basis not because I need the validation of online friendship, but because it goes up and down, like the weight of (Insert Kirstie Alley, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Oprah Winfrey here). That's not really a reason is it? Ok, I'm shallow.
In my facebook history, I have only dropped a friend once because I didn't really like their constant status pilfering and annoying requests, I didn't explain myself to them so I guess I'm being a hypocrite but shut up, this is my post. Out of the 364, I pride myself on only having 5 people that I haven't actually met on my list. I know that there are stacks of people out there with more friends such as 17 year old girls who OD at music festivals or 12 year old gigolo's but I think I do ok. Add one more friend and I have a friend for every day of the year (barring leap years, then I'm rooted)
Anyways, because I check my friend counter every day like the shallow husk of a man that I am, I notice if I lose a friend. It's happened a couple of times but when your friend base gets to a certain level it's hard to realise who's left because, let's face it, I only really talk to about 15-20 people on a regular basis. The others are just there for show. So when someone leaves it's probably a good thing because you weren't really utilising them were you? That and you have no idea who it was that dumped you because you never actually spoke to them anyway.
That has been true for the majority of my experience except for three occasions. These three times all hurt because I was able to identify the dumper. Getting facebook dumped is not a gracious event, it just happens without explaination (see my earlier example). There's no letters, flowers or breakup lunch where they pay. It's clinical and quick and it leaves hollowness and pent up rage. To help with the healing, let's go through my three known dumpers now.
The first was a guy I went to high school with who has about 400 friends. He did a bit of a clean out and apparently I'm not good enough to be in his inner circle. Nor is another of my mates. As a result, I didn't talk to him at our reunion. Yeah, way to show him who's boss, bet he regretted dumping me now.
The second was a chick I went to primary school with. I barely remember her but she sent a personal greeting and asked if I remembered her. Whatever. Be my friend. Getting on my friend list is easier than making fun of Nicole Kidman and online friendship is not going to impact either of us in any way shape or form so sure.. After asking to be my friend, 6 months later, she dumped me. It could've been earlier than that, I only happened to notice at 6 months. It left me confused and enraged. Why would you find someone from primary school who you didn't particularly know that well only to get rid of them? I can only assume that it was me who disappointed her or maybe she just grew out of the friendship. Who knows? Bitch.
The third was a comic who kicks around the Sydney scene. He's a pretty funny guy with a pretty bitter twisted view on life. We gigged at the Laugh Garage and I saw he was friends with a couple of the other comics and so I added him as is our wont. That was in September or October. I remember looking at his profile and at his blog which was quite amusing. Last month I thought I'd look at it again but realised I couldn't find him in my friends list anymore. He'd dumped me after 3 months! That one probably hurt the most as we both had mutual interests and there is a reasonable chance we'll run into each other again this year. Get ready for a bag full of awkward!
Anyways, that's my tale of heartache and woe. I'll let you know if I confront these people. In fact I might start with primary school chick and go from there. Should be amusing at least.
Whoa. In review that was pretty intense. Apologies. I'll go put a disclaimer at the top now...
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Little Leung
Another great story about a young boy searching for love here.
It's about a 12 year old boy who has offered his services as a gigolo to women aged 10-45. Couple of obvious problems. At last check women don't become women till at least 18-21 and I'm pretty sure that a 12 year old on a 10 year old is all kinds of illegal and secondly, try picking a better name than "Little Leung." It's not exactly going to make you a big hit with the ladies.
Little Leung, if you're reading this - Stay in school, prostitution is for fools.
It's about a 12 year old boy who has offered his services as a gigolo to women aged 10-45. Couple of obvious problems. At last check women don't become women till at least 18-21 and I'm pretty sure that a 12 year old on a 10 year old is all kinds of illegal and secondly, try picking a better name than "Little Leung." It's not exactly going to make you a big hit with the ladies.
Little Leung, if you're reading this - Stay in school, prostitution is for fools.
Pigeons in tights
Great story over at ninemsn.com - Customs find pigeons in man's tights.
The opening paragraph says it all really.
Even the picture is awesome.
Why is a man wearing tights? To smuggle pigeons I guess, fair point. But why are you smuggling pigeons guy? Don't you know you can get pigeons here? They crap everywhere too. I imagine your tights were filled with pigeon crap and then your own when customs officials found you. I reckon it'll be an awesome episode of Border Security. It'll sure make a nice change from the broken english speaking asians who smuggle drugs in their childrens books.
The opening paragraph says it all really.
"An alleged bird smuggler had his feathers ruffled when airport customs officers seized two live pigeons stuffed into his tights."
Even the picture is awesome.
Why is a man wearing tights? To smuggle pigeons I guess, fair point. But why are you smuggling pigeons guy? Don't you know you can get pigeons here? They crap everywhere too. I imagine your tights were filled with pigeon crap and then your own when customs officials found you. I reckon it'll be an awesome episode of Border Security. It'll sure make a nice change from the broken english speaking asians who smuggle drugs in their childrens books.
Animal Crossing - Not that Innocent
I've been playing Animal Crossing since Gamecube days. It's a sim where you move into a town of animals and even though there's a mayor, the town is run by this jerk called Tom Nook. He runs the town store and is a property tycoon. He forces you into slavery when you move in by making you buy a house and paying it off by working for him. He then forces you to make house upgrades when you pay off each subsequent home loan. The icing on the cake is that with each extension, you have more room to furnish the place and the main source of furniture is his store. Through paying off your house, you buy furniture which in turn pays off his extensions. He's created a serf class system where you do all the work for minimal reward and he gets the gain but by golly it's addictive game play.
Anyways, in the course of the day you'll interact with the other characters and some of them will turn to you for fashion advice or a new saying. This is where you can get creative. It has a basic language filter which will stop you from writing fuck, cock or the c-bomb but you can bypass it with nob, labia and vaj. Below is my interaction with Avery, he's an American Eagle who likes wearing Duck shirts. He also likes saying "Pull my nob hard" Let the mirth begin.
Anyways, in the course of the day you'll interact with the other characters and some of them will turn to you for fashion advice or a new saying. This is where you can get creative. It has a basic language filter which will stop you from writing fuck, cock or the c-bomb but you can bypass it with nob, labia and vaj. Below is my interaction with Avery, he's an American Eagle who likes wearing Duck shirts. He also likes saying "Pull my nob hard" Let the mirth begin.
Mental Arithmetic
I cleaned up my desk and found this receipt.
I had a budget of $15 and hit it exactly. I would be competing for the show case if this was "The Price is Right" How mental is my arithmetic man?
I had a budget of $15 and hit it exactly. I would be competing for the show case if this was "The Price is Right" How mental is my arithmetic man?
J-Walk Blog - An Inspiration
I made a mention of inspiring someone to blog earlier. Well here's part of my inspriation to blog. It's a blog about banjo's, religon and other stuff. It used to have bacon posts too but that's stoppped now. It's the J-Walk blog.
It's over here.
I think I first found it when I tried looking up an excel problem...or not...who even knows anymore.
It gets updated a lot more often than this blog and is a bit shinier too.
It's over here.
I think I first found it when I tried looking up an excel problem...or not...who even knows anymore.
It gets updated a lot more often than this blog and is a bit shinier too.
Superbowl - Warner almost goes out a winner
Sorry gone a bit sports crazy today.
Anyways, I'm a big St Louis Rams fan. I'm also a big Kurt Warner fan. He scrapped his way from Favre's understudy to grocery bagger to Arena Bowl QB to the now defunct European League to Trent Green's understudy to Superbowl MVP to Eli Manning's Mentor to a Superbowl with the Cards - one of the saddest sporting franchises in world sport. He almost went out with a bang with a huge effort yesterday - 377 yds passing, 3 TD's and an interception; pity the int was the longest single play in Superbowl history. He got them back into contention and got them in front with 2:35 left on the clock but it wasn't enough. At least he's won a ring but it would've been nice to see him go out a winner.
My mate Christopher blogged it yesterday. Read the heartache and disappointment as it happened here.
In other news, viewers in Tucson got more than they bargained for after Arizona's last score. Thorpie would've loved it.
Anyways, I'm a big St Louis Rams fan. I'm also a big Kurt Warner fan. He scrapped his way from Favre's understudy to grocery bagger to Arena Bowl QB to the now defunct European League to Trent Green's understudy to Superbowl MVP to Eli Manning's Mentor to a Superbowl with the Cards - one of the saddest sporting franchises in world sport. He almost went out with a bang with a huge effort yesterday - 377 yds passing, 3 TD's and an interception; pity the int was the longest single play in Superbowl history. He got them back into contention and got them in front with 2:35 left on the clock but it wasn't enough. At least he's won a ring but it would've been nice to see him go out a winner.
My mate Christopher blogged it yesterday. Read the heartache and disappointment as it happened here.
In other news, viewers in Tucson got more than they bargained for after Arizona's last score. Thorpie would've loved it.
Headers
Does anyone even notice my little sub heading and subsequent collection of them down the bottom of the blog? I thought some of them were pretty clever. I'll come back in a years time and laugh about it. Better yet, I should link each heading with the relevant post. That would be something.
Snow in the UK
My friend Wendy is in the UK and it's bucketed with snow.
She built a snowman,
She watched trees,
And cleared rectangles of snow in carparks.
Snow sure is fun...
She built a snowman,
She watched trees,
And cleared rectangles of snow in carparks.
Snow sure is fun...
Swimmers in trouble
Michael Phelps apparently smokes pot. Wow, that's awesome. At least it adds a facet of realism to his character. If it continues he'll be in those anti-pot ads you see in the toilets which say stuff like "You used to be a good swimmer, now you're just letting the whole Olympic swimming team down. I figure it's bound to be a good thing for the little tyke. He was such a boring dude, although he did apparently hook up with Stephanie Rice so kudos to you if true.
It's better than our favourite ex-olympian Thorpey. He's prancing around Brazil with his gut out visiting his "flatmates" family. I know a guy who couldn't come out to his family who used to introduce his partner as his "flatmate". Turns out he's gay. Thorpe has denied it all once again but seriously, if rumours have persisted since 2002 when he wore pearls that he's gay, truth is that he's probably gay. Even Amanda Beard has said that they were just friends back in the day.
Anyways, until he does come out, let's look at Stephanie Rice.
It's better than our favourite ex-olympian Thorpey. He's prancing around Brazil with his gut out visiting his "flatmates" family. I know a guy who couldn't come out to his family who used to introduce his partner as his "flatmate". Turns out he's gay. Thorpe has denied it all once again but seriously, if rumours have persisted since 2002 when he wore pearls that he's gay, truth is that he's probably gay. Even Amanda Beard has said that they were just friends back in the day.
Anyways, until he does come out, let's look at Stephanie Rice.
Athlete's Win Events - Try To Eat Prizes
If I watched the A-League I'd probably care about this, but I don't.
What I do care about is that the phenmomenon of biting medals isn't just limited to Olympians, Soccer stars can get involved in it as well.
Here's a bite for each kind of medal.
Look at this athlete's shiny white teeth. What a lucky Bronze medal...
Check out her hot leotard. Her hair is simply divine. The 80's rule. That said, I don't think she's committed to the bite...
These Asian dudes sure know how to party...or are they chicks?
This guy though is classy. He shows his man love for his medal by kissing it with the most adorable little lips I've ever seen. I'd like to hang around your neck one day. Or not...
What I do care about is that the phenmomenon of biting medals isn't just limited to Olympians, Soccer stars can get involved in it as well.
Here's a bite for each kind of medal.
Look at this athlete's shiny white teeth. What a lucky Bronze medal...
Check out her hot leotard. Her hair is simply divine. The 80's rule. That said, I don't think she's committed to the bite...
These Asian dudes sure know how to party...or are they chicks?
This guy though is classy. He shows his man love for his medal by kissing it with the most adorable little lips I've ever seen. I'd like to hang around your neck one day. Or not...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
