Getting Dumped By Facebook Friends

Warning - long inexplicable post ahead. Thought process for disclaimer explained at the bottom.

I have 364 facebook friends. I check this number on a daily basis not because I need the validation of online friendship, but because it goes up and down, like the weight of (Insert Kirstie Alley, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, Oprah Winfrey here). That's not really a reason is it? Ok, I'm shallow.

In my facebook history, I have only dropped a friend once because I didn't really like their constant status pilfering and annoying requests, I didn't explain myself to them so I guess I'm being a hypocrite but shut up, this is my post. Out of the 364, I pride myself on only having 5 people that I haven't actually met on my list. I know that there are stacks of people out there with more friends such as 17 year old girls who OD at music festivals or 12 year old gigolo's but I think I do ok. Add one more friend and I have a friend for every day of the year (barring leap years, then I'm rooted)

Anyways, because I check my friend counter every day like the shallow husk of a man that I am, I notice if I lose a friend. It's happened a couple of times but when your friend base gets to a certain level it's hard to realise who's left because, let's face it, I only really talk to about 15-20 people on a regular basis. The others are just there for show. So when someone leaves it's probably a good thing because you weren't really utilising them were you? That and you have no idea who it was that dumped you because you never actually spoke to them anyway.

That has been true for the majority of my experience except for three occasions. These three times all hurt because I was able to identify the dumper. Getting facebook dumped is not a gracious event, it just happens without explaination (see my earlier example). There's no letters, flowers or breakup lunch where they pay. It's clinical and quick and it leaves hollowness and pent up rage. To help with the healing, let's go through my three known dumpers now.

The first was a guy I went to high school with who has about 400 friends. He did a bit of a clean out and apparently I'm not good enough to be in his inner circle. Nor is another of my mates. As a result, I didn't talk to him at our reunion. Yeah, way to show him who's boss, bet he regretted dumping me now.

The second was a chick I went to primary school with. I barely remember her but she sent a personal greeting and asked if I remembered her. Whatever. Be my friend. Getting on my friend list is easier than making fun of Nicole Kidman and online friendship is not going to impact either of us in any way shape or form so sure.. After asking to be my friend, 6 months later, she dumped me. It could've been earlier than that, I only happened to notice at 6 months. It left me confused and enraged. Why would you find someone from primary school who you didn't particularly know that well only to get rid of them? I can only assume that it was me who disappointed her or maybe she just grew out of the friendship. Who knows? Bitch.

The third was a comic who kicks around the Sydney scene. He's a pretty funny guy with a pretty bitter twisted view on life. We gigged at the Laugh Garage and I saw he was friends with a couple of the other comics and so I added him as is our wont. That was in September or October. I remember looking at his profile and at his blog which was quite amusing. Last month I thought I'd look at it again but realised I couldn't find him in my friends list anymore. He'd dumped me after 3 months! That one probably hurt the most as we both had mutual interests and there is a reasonable chance we'll run into each other again this year. Get ready for a bag full of awkward!

Anyways, that's my tale of heartache and woe. I'll let you know if I confront these people. In fact I might start with primary school chick and go from there. Should be amusing at least.

Whoa. In review that was pretty intense. Apologies. I'll go put a disclaimer at the top now...