Coffee Jerk

I go to a little place in the Forum at St Leonards for coffee and a bacon and egg roll every now and again. They're nice people who once referred to me as "Lang Jai" or pretty boy in Cantonese. Flattery is all you need to keep my custom and make me fiercely loyal and so I wander by twice a week or so.

Today they were quite busy which happens and I had to wait for about 10 minutes for my order which is understandable. Anyways, some idiot in a lilac shirt blew up and started saying things like, "Where's my order?" "Maybe you should write things down" and "Did you forget about me?" a bit too condescendingly for my liking so I stepped in and asked him what the problem was. Thinking I was on his side he started to unload so I stopped him and said "Mate, they're busy, what do you expect? Surprisingly enough you're not the most important person here and your order will take time. Stop being a dick"

It was kinda loud and confrontational but it shut him up and I got back up from a guy from Bakers delight who told Lilac Coffee Jerk (LCJ) he should have a lie down. LCJ wandered off muttering and I hope he fell over and broke his nose.

If you're reading this LCJ, Seriously, put it in perspective, your roll took 10 minutes. Wow, the world order will be thrown into chaos. Let's break it down.

• Will you be 10 minutes out for the rest of the day? No.


• Will you lose sleep about it? No.


• Will you look like a massive dick for ranting at the bacon guy in front of 10 strangers? Yes.

What a little bitch. Go choke on your bacon and drown on your coffee.

I couldn't find a photo of a good angry guy with a coffee so here's an angry baby who has about the same cognitive skills as the Lilac Coffee Jerk.