Christian Television Association Ad

The rain on the window reminded me of this shitty ad from the 80's.



We didn't have a little tree climbing Aryan kid in the office though.

Gotte love the Youtube commentary though. This gem is brought to you by psconstruct who sounds like the build things in secret.

"Yeah he went to my HS we used to throw his bag in the tree and tell him to say hello my god to bring it down. It never worked" :(

Child bullying. I like it.

How about this from Zjwrsa?

"Seriously, what are they trying to achieve here? Would this have converted a single person? Their marketing department sucks"

Yes, what were they trying to achieve? Why don't they just stand on speaker boxes with Eternity written on them in the centre of Town Hall and try to convert people instead. That sounds far more effective.

US Holiday Snaps

It's the trip that keeps giving.

Here's Jeff, me, Ris and Matt jumping on the Skybridge run by the Hualapai Tribe at the Grand Canyon. The SkyBridge is perspex and can withstand a Richter 8 Earthquake, or 100 knot winds or the weight of seven fully loaded Boeing 747's. It was sexy as.

Here's a posed photo that we took on the Simpsons Ride at Universal Studios. We were full gangsta aight?

Vulnerable

I figured out that humans are the most vulnerable when they're expelling fluids.

Think about it.

Wollongong Comedy Festival.

I went down to Wollongong or more accurately the Thirroul Beach Hotel last night for their Open Mic Comp and ended up being in the same heat as Mick Meredith. Mick is a great comic who has been doing comedy for 20 years so it was surprising to see him there.

The night was about to start and there was only a crowd of about 15 people and then the MC went on and about 15 more appeared so it wasn’t dead but it was probably a bit emptier than they had hoped for. Anyways Mick went on first and his opening joke was a bit flat so he calls it and says “Tough crowd” which got a bit of laughter. The rest of his set was decent but he’d do these long protracted “faaaaarks” and then at about 5 minutes said “Fark this, I’m outta here” and left via the back door. It was pretty stylish.

Seeing as last night was the Cracker Gala at the Enmore, I guess he may have felt slightly displaced. I was on third and did pretty well. Had some banter going with a chick in the front row which was nice and had solid laughs all through the set so I'm not too displeased.

Keasty was on after me and was the last on the night. He has a patter and a genuine rapport I'm yet to develop because of my lack of MC time and he ended up winning.

Anyways, today at lunch I got a call from the organisers to ask if I wanted to come down to compete again. I told him I couldn’t make it as I don’t drive but he said that they’d try to get me down there to watch one of their gala nights or perhaps another gig later. Even if he didn’t mean it and nothing comes of it, it was still nice of him to say and I’ll take the little victories.

Go Ray. Causing one ripple at a time in this tidal wave of comedic greatness.

124 Chick is over. Hail Swine Flu.

It seems the Zeitgeist around Susan Boyle and the 124 chick has moved on from RWOC. Searches such as “hooknosed bitch” “124 girl” and “whos the susan boyle girl” no longer direct the Google through to RWOC. It’s time to now jump on the back of Swine Flu. I had a rather creative status the other day which read “I dropped the s and was pissed I got Wine Flu” which one of my mates pointed out sounds like something Amy Winhouse’s beehive would transmit.

Perhaps this picture of the Swine Flu’s origins will get me back to the top of the pile of “incidental traffic from the popular topic of the day” We can only hope...

Blobbo comes to Life.

His name is Blobbo. He is made of yellow plasticine and has a thumbtack for a top hat. He lives on my desk now.

Can you make better?

I didn’t think so. I <3 him.

Comedy in the Gong

I’m fresh off the back of two open mic nights and a gong show last week. Both Open Mic’s went well and the Gong show wasn’t too bad either. That said it was one of the drunkest, ugliest crowds I’ve seen. I got through my 5 after being gonged off stage twice. Not too sure how that happened but that’s ok. Tonight I’m part of the “Wollongong International Comedy Festival” at the Beach Hotel in Thirroul. It’s a comp of sorts so, if you’re in the area and need to laugh at my insecurities please drop by and say hi.

I’m meeting my mate Keith and he’ll be driving me down. Should be a glass and a half of comedic delight. Updates tomorrow if it went well, updated when I could be arsed if it went badly.

Understand Rap

It's kinda the Urban Dictionary for Rappers - it's Understand Rap

Take Andre 3000's Hey Ya. We all know the lyric:

"Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbour"

In case there was any ambiguity UR has the translation as:

Lets have sex, I am someone you know well.

Simplistic Gold.

ANTM - Episode 1 Wrap up

So what else happened I hear you asking?

Well let me tell you it was craziness. I've never blogged a TV series before so this should be half way amusing at some stage later. I'm going to run in point form.

• Madison is a gronky surfer chick and has prehistoric butterflies in her stomach. She looks like a grown up female version of that kid from Mad Max but more surprised
  
• Jonathan Pease is still the biggest douche in the universe. Phrases such as "No way girl" and "Study up" show that he is still incapable of saying anything halfway intelligent or constructive.
• Most of the models can't pose, that said it's their first week.
• Wayne Cooper was in the audience and he looked ready to beat someone. Probably female.
• Cassi is a bogan. She dropped an f-bomb and is 16. None of these points really effect the other. She was the centre of a media storm last week with inferred paedophilia placed upon her boy friend and for good reason. When he was 10, she was 1. That's kinda grotty.
• Frankie my favourite won immunity. Go Frank the tank
• Lola is a bit mannish.
• Cassi threw up and is annoying.
• Bitchiness in the house Part 1. The girls reckon Frankie is a bitch. The girls think Cassi is annoying. They are right about the annoying part.
• Bitchiness in the house Part 2. The girls accuse Claire of being undead.
• JP seems to jizz a bucket load over Claire's "alabaster skin" I think he's secretly a white supremecist.
• Priscilla has a snout and could be suffering from Swine Flu.
• Sarah is ace, hasn't sounded robotic and is able to hold a folder without looking like a seal trying to eat a sardine. I wonder if Jodhi is watching and crying into her fat pants and ice cream?
• Adele and Laura T are the final 2. Adele is like Zoolander, she only has one look and can't turn left, Laura T is underwhelming and therefor goes home. S2BU.
• As Laura leaves they play a rather innapropriate song which contains the lyrics "She's no Beauty" No need to kick her while she's down.

And that's the episode. Can't wait for next week. Go ANTM blogging.

ANTM - Season 5

It's just started and it's already fuct up beyond all recognition. These little teenage girls are being ripped to shit by Alex Perry and Priscilla who is one of the most inappropriate people I've seen in the fashion industry. So far there are two under 18 which means no sneaky nipple shots unfortunately.

So far Alex has gone on to say the girls are blockheads, they're fat and that they're coasty, trashed scum. Here's a guy commenting on freshness when he hasn't had a fresh look apart from a shiny shirt for the past 3 seasons.

My favourite so far is Frankie, she's kinda hot. None of them are completely hideous so far either.

My conclusion so far is that Alex Perry is a nob and some crazy 16 year old girl is full of herself.

Jonathan Pease nor his helmet hair have been involved so far either so that's ace. He is what I'd imagine a grown up, slightly sexually ambiguous lego man to turn out like. He has all the personality as a bag of vomit as well.

Go first break! I'll be back at the end of the show.