Headline Humour

Someone at SMH is either quite funny or just unintentionally so.

Dykes sounded out as partner for Benji.

Hopefully they're on bikes.

Comedy in Newcastle

I'm going up the Freeway to do comedy tomorrow night. I may die both literally and also on stage. I'm going with Amanda to support Kent Valentine. We just need to do 10 min spots only so it's not too arduous but I'm still kind of nervous. I'll let you know how it goes.

Mouse

I'm interested by what's in or on my mouse. I just cleaned the grooves around the buttons with a pin and the stuff that came out looks funky. I think it would taste salty but I'm not game to taste it.

Bargain Books

Get to Big W right now and pick these babies up. They're bound to go to #1 with a bullet.



Now I can understand collecting $1 coins as they have the pilot one and the women's suffrage one and that other bloke and then the things but a 10c one? I opened it up and it had 38 slots for 10c coins. What you were meant to do is go through the years and put a 10c coin for each year in there. Why? Pointless.

Actually I did learn that in 2005 Australia minted 106 Million of the little fuckers. That's a lot of red frogs.

Russell Brand - Ok...

We went to see Russell Brand on Wednesday night. He was ok but not spectaculr. He kinda just coasted through the gig on the back of his own hype and in the end I felt that his 75 minute set was probably about 30 minutes too long.



This is how close we got to him. Impressive. After we took these a little attendant chick ran through the audience telling people not to take photos of him. As if he didn't want us to take photos of him. What are we going to do anyways? Print them out and trade of a blurry image of him in the crowd? Unlikely.

Anyways he finished up with a 10 minute bit about how he likes to do his women at which point all the little star fuckers in the audience took out their pads and wrote down notes on bumming and deepthroating. All in all it was a classy night.

Economic Crisis Hurts ATM's

Like this little fella. He even needed a band-aid. I hope he's ok.

Garage for Need

But only for need. Never for want, that would probably be sinful. If you are interested in your own garage, please call them.

Rejection: Quotes

I like haggling. Being able to buy crap in bulk that I didn’t need for a fraction of the cost of something authentic which will last a fraction of the time as the authentic item is invigorating. Pitting my wits against a wily old shopkeep is the enthralling. I’ll even haggle (albeit unknowingly) during every day grocery transactions. We went to buy Magnum’s from a servo the other day and it was $3.50 for one or $6 for 2. I was happy with just the one but the shopkeep tried to upsell to the 2 for $6 option. I said, on the balance of things it probably wasn’t worth it but if it was 2 for $5 I’d do it as it presented a better value option. My mate looked at me and said “Are you haggling with Caltex?” I said no but now, upon review I see that I was. Is it a bad thing? Not really, perhaps socially unacceptable but unbad.

Recently my haggling skills have been used in a more formal setting; receiving holiday quotes. Just like the stock market is gambling for white collars, I reckon requesting quotes is just a more sophisticated version of haggling. I had to get quotes for the impending honeymoon as I’ve allowed Marissa to do everything else so far and she’ll probably crack it if I continue to do so. The process went well and we were able to save about $1800 on requesting quotes and different package options; money that will go straight on the oversized cocktails and tacky tourist crap. The worst part about requesting these quotes is that I have to tell people that they weren’t successful with their submission to create a honeymoon package for our wedding. We fear rejection and I think people try to shy away from rejecting people. I don’t. It either makes me a tender soul or completely oblivious to the needs and feelings of others. I’ll let you decide.

I like to add a personal touch and I’ll type up a little rejection email and send it out to them sandwiched between compliments.

Dear Agent,

Thanks for your recent submission for Cashman Honeymoon 2009. Out of all the travel agents we saw your carpets were by far and away the cleanest. (You can interchange this with your teeth were the whitest, you had the most picturesque posters on your wall or perhaps come up with your own.)

We were overwhelmed by the quality of the quotes and we regret to inform you that unfortunately you were unsuccessful with your pricing.

It’s not all bad news though. We believe you should keep at it. You have a winning attitude, just not this time and we’re sure you will be successful with another couple in the not too distant future. (I like to keep this part standard. Some people think it may be condescending, I like to think it’s encouraging)

Regards

Ray Cashman

Try it yourself with tradesmen, professionals and even your local supermarket and let me know the results. Letters for the people!

Warriors - The Musical

Some pretty creative stuff combined with the Warriors. I'm impressed.



It's by a relative newcomer to the nzwarriors.com forum, a guy by the name of AussieWarriorsFan. He wrote another one for the Eels game last round. My favourite bit would probably be the repeated promises of little bits of Sea Eagle all over the floor. Violent and graphic.

Sign Language

The sign bandit has struck again in our foyer. Oh no! When will that scallywag learn? If you do see his missing sign, please be sure to return it.