I had to catch the bus along the ECRL as it needed maintenance. It's not nearly as glamorous - flossy flossy.
On both trips there were people filming or taking photo's. I laughed at them and thought of my own behaviour like here, here or here and then checked myself before I wrecked myself.
There was also the most precocious little shit of a kid on the bus sitting behind me. I contemplated kicking open the safety window, dragging his face along the shards of glass that I had created and then chucking him out the window timed so he would bounce under the wheels of a passing truck. He said stuff like "What rhymes with mocket" or "What rhymes with meeway" It wasn't his fault, it was his old slut of a grandma. Grandparents are responsible for encouraging shit behaviour like this. Kill the grand parents and the child dies as no one pays it attention. I was tempted to say what rhymes with mother fucking shut up but instead I put in my headphones gritted my teeth and muttered for the love of god for about 5 mins. Upon reflection I probably looked like more of a fuckwit than the kid.
Ah well.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Announcements
When I get home I like to announce to the house what I'm about to do. A normal monologue will be - "Hi house, I'm taking off my pants" or "Hi house, I'm going to take a massive shit"
I don't get a response nor do I expect one but it's nice to think that house is listening and thinking, "Oh that Crazy Cashman. When will he learn?"
I don't get a response nor do I expect one but it's nice to think that house is listening and thinking, "Oh that Crazy Cashman. When will he learn?"
Friday, March 13, 2009
Kitchen Stadium
Some restaraunts in Manly are trying to beat the crap out of each other here.
Manly Council has threatened to take away their outdoor licenses if they don't settle down. Where will they take it if they can't take it outside? Into Iron Chef Kitchen Stadium, that's where. They would love it, a cook off then a punch up afterwards. That's value.
Anyways, back to the story. If I read that I could get a meal and the possibility of a punch up, I wouldn't be deterred in going to the place. I'd think of ways to aggravate them like I'll only enter your restaraunt if you punch one of the opposition waiters in the face. Probably not subtle, but it'd be entertaining,
Manly Council has threatened to take away their outdoor licenses if they don't settle down. Where will they take it if they can't take it outside? Into Iron Chef Kitchen Stadium, that's where. They would love it, a cook off then a punch up afterwards. That's value.
Anyways, back to the story. If I read that I could get a meal and the possibility of a punch up, I wouldn't be deterred in going to the place. I'd think of ways to aggravate them like I'll only enter your restaraunt if you punch one of the opposition waiters in the face. Probably not subtle, but it'd be entertaining,
Moist
Moist is frowned upon as word but I wish it wasn't. Damp is fairly similar and it's used a lot more freely, rising damp, creeping damp, dampener, damper.
I'd like to think that moist could get as popular. Is it onomatoepeia? I don't think so. Squirt is apparently. Maybe I should try to make that more popular.
I squirted with excitment. I squirted in frustration. I violently squirted.
I like it already.
In the mean time here's a character I believe called Pedo Bear slurping noodles. Notice the "Zuru Zuru" You could almost say the soup is squirting in his mouth.
I'd like to think that moist could get as popular. Is it onomatoepeia? I don't think so. Squirt is apparently. Maybe I should try to make that more popular.
I squirted with excitment. I squirted in frustration. I violently squirted.
I like it already.
In the mean time here's a character I believe called Pedo Bear slurping noodles. Notice the "Zuru Zuru" You could almost say the soup is squirting in his mouth.
Footy Season
It starts tonight and I'm quite damp with excitement. It should be a cracker but I'll miss both games. Ah well.
I'll be washing my jersey and wearing it with pride tomorrow at 5:30pm though. It's the Warriors vs Parramatta and I knid of hope they do well. I'm anxious, kind of like the first time you do a poo at your new workplace.
Go team go!
I'll be washing my jersey and wearing it with pride tomorrow at 5:30pm though. It's the Warriors vs Parramatta and I knid of hope they do well. I'm anxious, kind of like the first time you do a poo at your new workplace.
Go team go!
Comedy Review
Well I'm onto gig 4 out of 4 for the week. Last night was good at the Mic In Hand. It was a nice crowd but they were slow to warm up - partly because I muffed my first joke. Listen to the recording here. You've only got 10 days to listen to it so chop chop!
Not too bad I guess. I'm doing this as the first half of my gig tonight and then adding some more shiz at the end to round out the 10.
Go Team Cashman!
Not too bad I guess. I'm doing this as the first half of my gig tonight and then adding some more shiz at the end to round out the 10.
Go Team Cashman!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Tuna.
I bought this tuna for lunch tomorrow. I got 3 cans all up. Tastebuds get ready!
It lists its contents as Tuna (65%), Vegetable Oil (18%) water and salt. That leaves water and salt to make up 17% of the contents. Seeing as I paid 89c for this tin, it means I paid 31c for water, salt and oil. I think that’s a bad deal.
It lists its contents as Tuna (65%), Vegetable Oil (18%) water and salt. That leaves water and salt to make up 17% of the contents. Seeing as I paid 89c for this tin, it means I paid 31c for water, salt and oil. I think that’s a bad deal.
Focus Groups
I went to McDonald’s market research last week. It was pretty ace. I got paid $75 and I got to eat up to and including 5 burgers. I ate 2 in their entirety and about ¼ - ½ of the others so let’s just say I had 3 burgers all up. They wanted to find out about why people don’t use the drive through, bun sizes and thoughts on pork vs beef. It was all very interesting.
Seeing as it was a focus group, we all sat around a table and discussed life and burgers. On a side note, with McDonald’s I find people go through life cycles. They really wanna go as a child and they’ll brag about it to their friends at school. When they’re a teen it’s all they can really afford when out with friends and for some reason it’s cool to be seen with degenerate losers at Hungry Jacks Central station for example. Young adults will go to Macca’s after a big night out but they start to deny going there and that it’s unhealthy and then as an adult they’ll deny all knowledge of going there at all. Back on track, this focus group was comprised of adults and one of the questions was “How do you use McDonalds?” Funnily enough, everyone said “Oh, I uh, go there every now and again but I don’t do it all the time” It’s a research group; you’re allowed to admit you go there for real.
I said I get it for the odd cheeseburger and for the end to a drunken night out which is pretty true. Seeing as it was a focus group I did my best to unfocus people and made comments how I’ll return my burger if there isn’t an even distribution of seeds on my bun and the gherkin has to be a particular green or otherwise I’ll flick it onto the ceiling. The guy who ran it was a short bald man with a severe look on his face. He dressed in a blue synthetic shirt and looked a little like Nosferatu but slightly better fed. He also had an enormous arse. It was gigantic. I don’t normally check out other guys junk but it was immense. He should get out more.
Seeing as it was a focus group, we all sat around a table and discussed life and burgers. On a side note, with McDonald’s I find people go through life cycles. They really wanna go as a child and they’ll brag about it to their friends at school. When they’re a teen it’s all they can really afford when out with friends and for some reason it’s cool to be seen with degenerate losers at Hungry Jacks Central station for example. Young adults will go to Macca’s after a big night out but they start to deny going there and that it’s unhealthy and then as an adult they’ll deny all knowledge of going there at all. Back on track, this focus group was comprised of adults and one of the questions was “How do you use McDonalds?” Funnily enough, everyone said “Oh, I uh, go there every now and again but I don’t do it all the time” It’s a research group; you’re allowed to admit you go there for real.
I said I get it for the odd cheeseburger and for the end to a drunken night out which is pretty true. Seeing as it was a focus group I did my best to unfocus people and made comments how I’ll return my burger if there isn’t an even distribution of seeds on my bun and the gherkin has to be a particular green or otherwise I’ll flick it onto the ceiling. The guy who ran it was a short bald man with a severe look on his face. He dressed in a blue synthetic shirt and looked a little like Nosferatu but slightly better fed. He also had an enormous arse. It was gigantic. I don’t normally check out other guys junk but it was immense. He should get out more.
Free Anchovies
I like anchovies. Their salty skeletal state makes me feel good. I worked out how to get free anchovies on a Domino's pizza the other day.
If you order online you're able to sub in and out up to 2 ingredients for free. If you get a Supreme well you have a stack of ingredients on there already so you're able to sub out something like onions which no one really looks forward to for Anchovies which is something that some people like.
I guess my title wasn't 100% accurate then. It should read Free Anchovies - No Onions.
I'll leave it to your imaginations then. Here is a Royalty free Onion image with not an anchovy in sight.
If you order online you're able to sub in and out up to 2 ingredients for free. If you get a Supreme well you have a stack of ingredients on there already so you're able to sub out something like onions which no one really looks forward to for Anchovies which is something that some people like.
I guess my title wasn't 100% accurate then. It should read Free Anchovies - No Onions.
I'll leave it to your imaginations then. Here is a Royalty free Onion image with not an anchovy in sight.
Bargain
Today I cashed in my Munch time card at the local 7-11. There’s a deal that means every time you buy a sandwich from them they’ll give you a stamp. Ever the schemer, I’ve been buying roast chicken sandwiches at $3.95 every now and again over the past 3 weeks and I made it to 5. Woohoo! Good work Ray. Thanks.
Anyways, I chose a ham and egg sandwich and I was told I got a free bottle of coke as well. The Sandwich I chose cost $5.95 and the coke retails for $3.70 apparently. That means that for a $19.75 outlay I got $29.40 worth of value. Another way of looking at it is that lunch cost me $3.29 per day over 6 days. Another way of looking at it is that after I cashed in on the free stuff each Chicken Sandwich actually cost $2.02.
Which is the most correct? Who knows?
Probably not this guy.
Anyways, I chose a ham and egg sandwich and I was told I got a free bottle of coke as well. The Sandwich I chose cost $5.95 and the coke retails for $3.70 apparently. That means that for a $19.75 outlay I got $29.40 worth of value. Another way of looking at it is that lunch cost me $3.29 per day over 6 days. Another way of looking at it is that after I cashed in on the free stuff each Chicken Sandwich actually cost $2.02.
Which is the most correct? Who knows?
Probably not this guy.
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