Yesterday's Mentalist - New Entry!

I was at Hornsby station doing my Suduko and keeping to myself like a good little fella when wrinkled legs and a splash of colour interrupted my peripheral vision. It was yesterday's mentalist.



Not only was she a visual freak but she was one of those people that uses too many words to communicate. Example: this young chick was taking up too much space on the bench next to me and so Hypercolour Granny walked up and said "Excuse me dear, my bag and I do desire to sit down. Can you move across for me please" What are you lady? Is your bag a sentient being? How can it desire anything let alone a seat. Even worse, after about 60 seconds of sitting she stood up as her train came in. She then stood right at the mid point of the door and blocked everyone from getting off the train and said stuff like "Watch for my bag" How about you watch for fashion sense you crazy neon nanny.

That brings me to her clothes. What the f%#k is that all about? Did she buy a granny cart in pink and an enviro bag in blue and then the wardrobe or was it the other way around? This could supercede the chicken and the egg argument. Why is she wearing short shorts? Why is a granny showing so much leg? Like the peacock she is using gaudy colours to attract a mate. I think she's hurtin' for a squirtin' if you ask me.

Ginger Spam Salad - Yum

Whenever I clean out my Spam folder in Gmail I get helpful suggestions at the top of the mail screen like Ginger Spam Salad.

I don't like Ginger and I don't like Spam but the two of them should be delicious. Here's the recipe if you want to try it.

Title: Gingered Spam Salad
Categories: Salads, Go-withs, Misc.
Yield: 1 Servings

1 cn Spam, sliced matchstick size
1/4 c Finely chopped ginger root
1 ea Small red onion, finely
Chopped
1/2 ts Garlic powder
1/4 c Freshly squeezed lime juice
Zest of 1 lime
1/2 ts Oriental dried chili powder
1/4 c Chopped cilantro leaves
8 ea Cherry tomatoes
Thai bird peppers and
Cilantro sprigs to garnish

Combine all ingredients in a sealed glass or plastic container to
marinate. Refrigerate at least two hours or preferably overnight.
Stir or shake occasionally to evenly coat. One hour before serving,
stir in cilantro. Serve on a bed of torn lettuce of your choice.
Garnish with quartered cherry tomatoes, Thai bird peppers and
cilantro sprigs.

Sounds like a taste sensation.

Seriously, if I got served this I would jam it up someones nose one matchstick sliced piece of spam at a time.

Below is a photo of a spam salad. Not the one listed because this is more a "What do I have in the cupboard salad" The only thing that's missing is peanut butter and perhaps some toilet paper. Jerks.

The Cheating Husband and his Magical iPhone

There's a great story over at SMH about a guy who took some photo's of his balls and sent them to his mistress only to be caught out by his wife. His excuse was that the iPhone has a glitch which automatically attaches photos you take to emails. Already pretty funny stuff but what got me was the descriptive passages of the photos

"It was a close-up shot of him pleasuring himself taken at the exact moment of maximum pleasure ... It's such a good shot that one must wonder if he actually practiced it a few times before getting it right,"

Not only does she have a husband with too much time on his hands, he's also a wanker. Wow, that's two wanking jokes in the last 3 days. I think I've found my niche.

Anyways, if people start getting photos of my balls well I apologise, must be a glitch with my iPhone.

Best of all is that the article uses miscreant for like the first time I've seen in 36 years. Here it is -

"or online miscreants."

I'm bringing miscreant back. Yeah! And other devo's don't know how to act.

Abominable is underused

I convinced one of my colleagues to buy her daughters some Choose Your Own Adventure books. They arrived the other day and one of them was this one.



When you think of Abominable you think of Snowmen. That's really about it. I was under the impression that the word abmoninable was created just to describe snowmen and that the Snowman Guild created Frosty to counter this character assasination and to create some positive press. This is incorrect. After some research Abominable is from the Latin, to Old French to the Middle English form (circa 14th Century) Abominable that we enjoy today. The progression if you're interested is abminbilis, to abominari, to abhor which means to detest, loathsome etc. Now if you ask me that's a pretty harsh tag to carry around, being abominable and all. That's probably why no one sees him. He's kinda like that friend you know that went out with one of your female friends for a while then he treated her bad and no one sees him cos he's a dickhead. He doesn't come out to social functions with your group cos he knows you think he's a dickhead and it's because he's lost touch with everyone he becomes more and more socially retarded or abominable.

I think that's what may have happened to our Snowman. Treated a girl bad and now he is sad.

*UPDATE*

They turned this sucker into a DVD would you believe? It even has our friend Frankie Muniz...or is it Casey Affleck? Did you know that Frankie was homeschooled? He's also a social miscreant and his peers find him abominable. How's that for a throw back. I'm all about circular motion.

Daniel Anderson wanted the Eels Coaching position badly.

Daniel Anderson looks to be the new Eels coach. It hasn't been announced yet but it will happen this afternoon. Not the hugest news ever but the way he did it says to me he wanted the position badly.

"Anderson has beaten off several other candidates, including current Eels assistant coaches David Fairleigh and Matt Cameron and Melbourne assistant Stephen Kearney."

What happened to using your credentials to succeed? Looks like they'll let any wanker coach a team these days.

The Eels were asked on their thoughts and all said that he would be a "handy" coach to have around.

And I'm spent...

Guitar Hero - World Tour

I got it on the weekend and it's perhaps the greatest thing mankind has done since inventing cub scouts. We played it solidly for about 6 hours on Saturday and we had the gang over on Sunday and again played it for about 5 hours. I'm a fully sick drummer, animal style now. I can even do the Cadbury Gorilla drum intro from that Calling in the air Cadbury Ad. I'll take some photo's of the kit in action and put them up.

The only downside is that I have to wear glasses to read see the screen properly which doesn't give me stacks of credit in the rock god stakes but, hey at least I'm 91% accurate 91% of the time.

I lie, the other downside is that we'll probably upset the lesbian downstairs if we keep it up. Thing is she's not a hot lesbo, just a plain jane type so I guess it's ok. On a neighbour tangent, our neighbours upstairs thought that our rendition of Living on a Prayer busted a sack of nuts. That's how good we rock in the Ping!

2121 represent!

Jerks Who Sit the Wrong Way on Trains Make Me Upset.

There is really no need to explain the above sentence. I hate them so much. They are the epitomy of laziness. Train seats have those hinge things so they can be flipped in the right direction, not so you can just walk down and sit there making puzzled faces at the rest of people who "get" how trains work. I use the term "get" loosely as really there's nothing to get. You were a total waste of sperm.

Anyways, the latest offender had a bad haircut and just sat there in a 3 seater with his fat head staring at everyone. I stared at him for a good 30 seconds and tried to communicate what an eyesore he was sitting the wrong way and all, but he caught me looking so I did that look down thing. It didn't stop me from hating him. He is a drain on natural resources.

His actions caused three sets of people to also sit the wrong way just to avoid looking at him. He was on the train till Pymble and then the guy who sat next to him got out and flipped the seat the right way. Why should one persons selfishness and laziness affect so many people? They should just herd them all up in a wrong sitting compartment and drive them into that train yard outside Redfern where all the trains go and rust to death. They'd all die in there because it's not like they'd get off their arse to get off the train as that would be too much work. If you're reading this and you're a seat flipper I hate you so much. Change your ways before I too stare at you for 30 seconds.

Gar! I need a lie down.

NB: The guy in the picture wasn't the train guy, he just happens to be some bloke who also sits the wrong way on trains with a stupid look on his face and by rights I hate him too but he's not actually the guy from this morning. Argh! So Angry!

Saw V - Horrible

My sister is a big fan of the Saw franchise which I think peaked when Carey Elwes screamed "What are you doing man?" in the first film.*

Since then it's seen pits full of syringes, exploding necklaces, offal, frozen naked chicks, hammers, guns, pendulums, chicken wire and a butt load of nail bombs. I haven't enjoyed these movies at all since I almost threw up during the opening scenes of Saw III when Donnie Wahlberg hammers his own foot to a pulp to pull it through his shackles.

I don't even know why I went. I sorta do actually. My sister offered to pay after I blew up at her last year for not having 70c to pay for a choc top when we went to Saw IV which was equally rubbish. I thought it was fair, I mean seriously, who goes along to a movie that they want to see without money?

Anyways, I'm not really upset about the movie being complete and utter crap, I'm more upset about the waste of 90 odd minutes. I could've baked a couple of sponge cakes. I could've started an introductory course to learn a new language. I could've gone down to the local community centre and had a jazzercise class and gone home and had a shower. I probably wouldn't have done the last one cos I'm probably about 14 years too old to not look pervy but the point is I could've had a semi productive Saturday morning but now I will never know because I wasted it watching Saw V.

* - I tried to find the scene on Youtube. Instead I found this which is even funnier. Not because of the movie, it's because of the info part in the top right.

"I dedicate this one specially to my friend Joy (PeaceChild, the admin on the Cary Elwes Fan Forum), who will hopefully make me a moderator on the forum. ^.^ "

That's right. This kids ambition is to be a mod on a Carey Elwes fan forum. Excuse me while I laugh hysterically. S2BU. I hope you made it man, the world needs dedicated Carey Elwes mods. His body of work is increasing every year and all too.

Forum 7's

I kind of alluded to a nerdy writing competition that I'm involved in here. Although it is extremely nerdy it combines three things I love which are league, humour, writing and balls - oh that's four things. It's called Forum 7's and every week teams of E-players submit 5 articles for their adopted club and try to get the highest score. Last year I won rookie of the year which was ace. This year I won a place in Team of the Year and joint Warriors MVP which I was pretty stoked about to be honest.

Usually I just write drivel but it seems as though people appreciated it this year enough to recognise it and for that I'm grateful. I've been judged by an online peer group that I'm never likely to meet and been included as one of them and that my friends is the best e-feeling you can get.

Here are my trophies/award banners.


Notice how they shine?

Anyways, here's probably the best summary of the competition and why I'm in it. Of course it's an article by me. What I found funny was the mention of blogging. What a wanker I've become...

George and the Barracuda

Yesterday George W Bush posed with members of the Arizona State University Men's and Women's Track Team. Nothing unusual in that right? Not until you realise their hand gestures.

Yes they're doing the Barracuda or the Shocker. If it were a line drawing it'd look like this



What's so bad about that you might ask? Well let's let urban dictionary answer that for us over here

If old George was to do it on Laura it'd be literally two in the bush and one in the tush.