Protest of the Week - Anti-Terrorism

It's been a while since our last Protest of the Week. Obviously it's not a weekly thing as I'm not really getting involved in too many protests or searching for them...till now.

This protest of the week is brought to you by California. It was held last year and is of note because of the exceptionally hot chick in it. Anti Terrorism is a buzz word isn't it? By definition I don't think there's ever going to be a pro terrorism rally is there? If there was I imagine it'd be explosive. Oh snap!

Anyways here's the Protest0r of the Week.

As you can see, she's really hot. She's a sexy terrorist that will have to be locked up for crimes against frumpiness. That's completely made up. I'm sorry.

Gig Review - Roxbury Semi Finals

Well the big gig has come and gone. It was an audience vote and I didn't get through but it was a strong gig. One of my mates taped it so I'll throw it up here once I get it. I had the odds stacked against me as I didn't bring enough friends (oops) and I drew the last spot of the night out of 12 comics and there's nothing worse than sitting in the corner waiting for your turn for 3 hours. If you've never auditioned or tried out for anything in your life you probably have no idea what it feels like so just imagine asking the object of your desire out, man, woman or animal and having that feeling in your gut for 3 straight hours. It's enough to make you hurl. Usually I'm quite good with nerves but I was a wreck last night.

Anyways, they split it 7 and 5. The first 7 were solid if not spectacular. Some good material and a decent range of topics and delivery but the nerves were on display.

The break came and the second half started at 9:50pm. The next worst thing about being in the second half was watching people fill out voting slips during the break for their mate and then walk off. I guess you can't expect too much out of a crowd that doesn't support comedy on a weekly basis but it would've been nice to have been able to play to a packed house. In my bracket were some comics I gig with on a regular basis as well as a kid called Jordan Paris. Check out his website here. Need I say anything more?

Anyways, the night rolled on. James a fantastic young comic came on and lifted the bar after Jordan. You have to hear his kestrel joke which I could not do justice to here. Hannah followed and had the joke of the night with her friendly fisting bit and suddenly the second last act Billy was on. Billy was easy to follow. He's very slick, has great delivery and some very solid lines as well as being a top bloke. I slept with him just the once, but that's another story.

My 6 minutes came and went in a flash. Had some ad-lib thrown in there for good measure but at the end of the day it wasn't enough and I didn't get through. I had a lot of congrats after the show which was nice but it's always tough when facing a competition crowd. Ah well, always next year or Raw or one of countless other competitions that I can lose all hope in just around the corner. Just you wait Sydney, I'm going to be someone!

Dictionary time!

I described someone as a social miscreant last night and my mate pulled me up on it. It was more the miscreant than the social part. I told him that it meant someone that was a social outcast or pariah. Not content with that he wanted to know the source word and base of it. Well f%#k me if I'm a thesaurus or not but I guessed that it was French in origin because of the mis prefix. A quick check on Dictionary.com this morning proved that I know my word shizzle sizzle.

Here are some miscreants I found on Google images. Enjoy!


Here's a Fucking Miscreant.


Hmm...more a dunce than a miscreant.


A band called miscreant. They're Kiwi so it'd be more like muscreunt eh bro?

Read more about them here. Or not.

Gig Time - Quest for the Best

It's gig time eve for Quest for the Best.

If you look here, you'll see my name in lights. I have a toight 6 mins planned and am reasonably confident it'll land. Whoa, poetry! I just came off 4 gigs in 2 weeks so I've gotten about as much practice as I could possibly hope for. Let's hope that my charm and guile will win me through. The kids from work are thinking about coming along as well. If I go bad it'll be awkward!

I had a gig at the new Laugh Garage in the City last night. Nice place with a federal judge and his hooker in tow as part of the audience. She apparently wanted everyone to know that her b00bs cost $12,000. Anyways, the Nelson Twins were there as well as Jamie Kilstein from New York. He's been on the World Stands up and other cool things and was excellent and was willing to have a chat after the show which was nice and all, y'know interconnectivity and the like.

Anyways, here's one of his clips, let's hope I got this right.



Woohoo! I did!

Stories - Piss take

I haven't had too much to say for the past week so I'll put this up instead. It's part of an article writing forum that I take part in to keep the old senses sharp and the humour funny and all.

Here it is in all its glory, I present Piss Take.

The rest of the forum is here.

Bad Haircut

Bad Haircut

I was just checking through my FlickR stats and this is my most popular photo. How bizarre. It was a crazy German chick that we found at the Ranga orphanage in Malaysia. Right now it has 37 all time views. Next on the list is a photo of my mate smoking at 14 all time views. What does this say about the viewing public? They like severe German haircuts and people who smoke.

I realise that as a consequence of these actions it's lead over the rest of the pack will grow. When it gets to 50 I'll let y'all know. Notice how I'm mildly optimistic that I have 13 readers out there. Prove me right blogland.

Election Time!

I guess that I should mark the fact that today is US election day by providing this link.

It's a world map showing the results if a global vote decided the US elections. How about those crazy Venezualans eh? Or Macedonia? Or even little Nieu? Some stauch wee McCain fans there. I voted Obama but my vote counts about as much as Florida's vote 8 years ago.

I also think that Sarah Palin is kinda hot...

CHSEXZAP - Update

I made my first character called CHSEXZAP this morning. I actually called him Sexzap but you know what I mean. He's a Jedi that I made with the Lightsaber application on my Iphone. I even wrote up a bio for him which I will reproduce for you now.

"Sexzap was borne of two sexy, kindred spirits who made out with some refried beans and ovaltine. They carried him in their loins for 47 days and upon maturation he burst into the world and devoured them. He rose through the ranks of the Jedi council aided by his shiny yellow Sabre. Dangerous, cunning and arousing; Sexzap is changing the way of the Jedi - by Force!"

Impressive and totally historically accurate eh?

I imagine he looks a little bit like Captain Caveman



What do YOU think he looks like? Do you even care?

Casey Affleck = Frankie Muniz

How is Casey Affleck even remotely related to Ben Affleck when he looks exactly like Frankie Muniz? I have a theory; they're the same person.

How many movies have they been in together? 0
How many cameo appearances did Casey Affleck have on Malcolm in the Middle? 0
How much do I want to punch both of them? A lot.

Their names even end in the same ee sound and a is the first vowel in both names.

Therefore, they are the same person.


Casey or Frankie?


Frankie or Casey?

Presumptuous Old Man Ruins Lunch

My first post for November! And it's a rant! Hooray!

I went to the local tavern for lunch with my sister today. In the corner was a small man who looked a little like Colonel Sanders, next to him was an empty table. I glanced at him as I walked over to the cash machine thinking nothing more of him until he came running up to say "If you want my table I'll move for you. I'm truly just sitting there" I told him that he didn't have to worry as there were plenty of tables around but he insisted and returned to his table and grinned at everyone.

We went and ordered and decided to sit at the free table that was next to him, however he decided that he would be true to his word and got up and said, "I'll leave you to alone to get up to romance" and then winked. Now I'm one of those guys that looks enough like his sister to see that we're related, so he was either giving me the green light for incest or is a presumptuous old f#%kwit, I like to think the latter of the two.

Apart from being presumptuous, he was the kind of guy that just wandered up and spoke to everyone, but not because he knew them. It was because he was a social burden. As we left, he waved and thanked us for coming like he owned the place when in fact he was just a slightly drunk, 70 year old man, dressed in a straw hat and bow tie, who looked like Colonel Sanders, who thought I was romancing my sister, with no immediate social circle, who has to drink on a Monday morning to get through the week. I hate him.

That is why that man is the presumptuous old man who ruined lunch.